281. - Rax King

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts. or watch on YouTube. How long gone? What's up, Jason? I'm just doing some prep work right now for tonight's Glendale Hollywood party in about... six and a half minutes. I'm going to have to pause really quick and move some hard-boiled eggs into a bowl of ice water. It'll just be 30 seconds and I'll be right back on here. Just quickly, what is that? Because hard-boiled eggs are disgusting, so I'd love to know what you're doing with those. I'm going to make deviled-style eggs, Chris. Oh, God. This is being at, like, my grandma's house. You going to make me eat mayonnaise, too? There is mayonnaise in the deviled eggs. I hate to break it to you. But let me see if I can bring you back. There will be paprika. Yeah. Is that enough, or I'm going to need more? Deviled eggs are one of the grossest foods out for me. Like, I couldn't. It's everything I hate. in one not everything i hate i that's that would be too much for one plate of food obviously i'm gonna i'm gonna top these eggs though chris with some caviar does that do anything for you you know i know you want me to like caviar because it's expensive but caviar does nothing for me it's just salt like i mean it's fine and it's cool that you get a little coke spoon to scoop it with and i i love the you know high low combo of oh i just got these potato chips i got some ruffles at the 7-eleven and now we're putting 200 worth of

fucking fish eggs on top isn't it good is that okay is that more offensive no i guess maybe offensive is not the right word but is that more whatever whatever the word for it is high low offensive than the david chang style fried chicken with caviar i wasn't familiar with I don't know anything about David Chang except that he's annoying. I don't know if he's a good cook. I mean, I like noodles from Momofuku, but I'm any other white person in the East Village who likes noodles from Momofuku. He seems annoying to me, and that I can recognize, but I don't know if his food is good or bad or just dumb. He is definitely annoying, and he has also got worse. As time has gone on, he's turned into... Yeah, but he got married, he had a kid or two, and then he kind of turned into suburban dad swag, which is a weird angle for this guy, unfortunately. But I think a while ago, he sort of coined or co-opted putting caviar on fried chicken and then serving it with champagne. And it turned into kind of like a meatpacking investment bankers to do. Well, that's the thing with caviar. Urban cuisine role play. Well, caviar is merely the truffle of the sea, right? Like you just put it on top of something, you're able to charge a lot more. It doesn't do that much. It's just kind of fine. No one's that excited about it. Yeah, I guess so. It is kind of weird. I don't disagree with your stance on caviar because it is very expensive and it doesn't bring a whole ton to the table. And there also is a weird energy around it where because it is so expensive and it is such a small amount that you can never really... Get that big old, like you always feel like you have to restrain your serving size and you have to ration it out. And you feel guilty putting too much on your ruffle. And then at that point, it's like, who's having fun here? Who is this? I guess you just have to be rich. You have to be able to.

Truly a Ford company. What about on a, I feel like one of the cooler ways to eat it, and again, I'm not an expert by any means, but a baked potato. Oh, yeah. That seems cooler to me than like the Hilo chip or the little, what are the little pancakes called? Bellini? Bellini. Bellini. B-L-I-N-I, correct? Yeah, Bellini is the little small pancake and then Bell. Bellini is the champagne with orange juice that you get at Roc Nation brunch. Yeah, the only thing interesting about this entire conversation is the Roc Nation brunch. And if I get invited, which skinny suit from Suit Supply am I copping for $300 to go with the Stacey Adams on the feet? You know what? I think they've sort of rewritten it. Maybe it might be a little more cozy vibes only where you can just show up with an essentials sweatsuit and you're kind of stunting. You're looking good. I love stunting, baby. Other than that, it's just a big cooking day here in Glendale. Welcome to the cookout. Welcome to the cookout. Let me get a plate. Because you hit Whole Foods early AM. Is that what happened? I did a very early Whole Foods. And I also visited Ralph's because I had to get some dill and some other stuff. But, yeah, early Whole Foods. It was a little dark going to Whole Foods at, like, 9 in the morning. I guess it's not that early because you go there at, like, 5. But, you know, to go there. To do your shopping versus just to go get a smoothie with peanut butter in it? Yeah, I mean, at the time I go, I usually don't see that many people doing their shopping, but every once in a while, you see a full card at 7.30. That seems aggressive to me. That's just not, you know what I mean? That's not where my mind's at. No, unless you're like a professional catering chef or you're like a nanny doing the shopping for the day and you've got the child in your shopping cart also wearing an essential sweatsuit. You give me a manny vibe with the child wearing, because you could, I think essentials is actually would be a great thing for you because I bet they make it in ball player size. Which ball are we talking about, Chris? Basket, foot.

I mean, honestly, I think most balls is who that stuff is. What's your favorite kind of ball? Basket? Foot? I think that's who it's made for. And I think you would look nice with the little Essentials leather patch on the dick. You know what I'm saying? Because that's where they put the logo. You know, I would normally at this time in the show, I would say, you know. a classic tj line let's see if santa claus brings it this year but unfortunately santa has come and go and i i got zero i got zero essentials i did get some sweatpants though that i bought for myself i saw yeah you were wearing um when we recorded irl you were wearing your navy blue camber bulletproof sweatpants just in case you know somebody lets it lets us stray off and tj gets clipped um The thickness level, is it not? Was I dressed like Larry Hoover? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you did look like you were about to do some pull-ups in the yard, but that's kind of your, that you actually do that, so I can't really make a joke about it. But is the fabric of the camber, is it too thick? Is that possible? It might be a little too heavy-duty because I think it's branded for people who, like, salt the roads and, you know, operate dump trucks. Yeah, it's a sweat pant version of a Carhartt dungaree double knee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's for when you work construction, but you demand a little bit more out of your garments. Yeah, I mean, I just don't know if the, yeah, I mean, they look cool. I just wonder if my thighs will be sweating just wearing those around. Yeah, I mean, it is a concern. Is there such a thing as two rough, rugged, and raw dog ready to go? For a sweatpants. Because, you know, you're walking around, you feel weighted. Yeah, for a person who doesn't do any manual labor. And I would, unfortunately, in this case, put you in that category because I don't think you're cleaning the gutters with those on. Oh, no. These are your dress sweats, I would say. These are my dress sweats. These are when chilling with no makeup on, the period is on day three, and I'm going to go see.

I'm going to go to the Americana. I'm going to get a hot pretzel, some type of cheesy tots, and then I'm going to watch E! in Paris Marathon. And I don't even give a what. Hold that thought. I'm going to move my eggs. Okay, we're back, Chris. You want to know how it went? It went really well. Well, I had a feeling it might have even been quicker than you promised, which is very impressive. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, you know, we... We want to thank our How Long Gone listeners. For what? You know, this time of year, we're busy. For bearing with us as I'm multitasking. I want to leave it all. Yeah, bearing with us as we give them three episodes a week for absolutely free. Thank you for bearing with us on that while Jason flips his fucking eggs over or whatever he was doing. Well, we also... We're going to be recording some new ads. You may have already heard it at the beginning of this episode. Who even knows? So that's exciting. We're going to have to put some to rest. And we're going to have to really kind of deliver because the ads, the old ads, a fan favorite. And they became part of people's lives. I get a lot of tweets and comments and DMs about it. Don't take away the Spotify ad. It's perfect. Yeah, luckily when I go in the booth, I don't write anything down. You know what I mean? Jason's got his legal pad and his pen, like Eminem. I'm more like wash Jay-Z. I go in with my Basquiat hair, and I just spit. Yeah, and you're about as good as Jay-Z at doing ad-rays. Well, okay, if I'm a multi-platinum Grammy award-winning rich old guy, I guess there could be worse things. I just set you up for a new game that I want to play, which is what can't. Chris complain about type of energy and getting you to compliment Jay-Z. I feel like I tricked you almost. No, no. Jay-Z is a certified absolute legend. So many hits, classics, groundbreaking artists. He just hasn't been good in 15 years. And that's, you know, I think that we've talked about that. The rap is a very difficult genre to age into. And that's partly our fault, I think. We don't allow it. Honestly, we don't. When you say our fault, do you mean you and I personally or just the general?

General culture. We had a pretty big hand in it ourselves. Sure, but we're always looking for the new 17-year-old with a machine gun to get us excited when the reality is that some of these guys, I'm not interested in an aging Jay-Z, but is that because I've been conditioned to not like that, or is that because I actually don't like it? Who knows, Jason? Who knows, and I'm mainly grateful this year that I have clean audio of Chris saying, that he's always looking for a new 17-year-old. No, no, don't make this about me. We do have a guest today, Jason. Rax King, maybe the coolest name that we've ever had listed on this podcast. Seriously. Really has a third-man records artist name to her. Yeah, Rax's new seven-inch is out now. It's just guitars. It's just guitars. No, but she has a new book called Tacky. um that uh touches on a lot of topics similar topics to what we talk about here here on the show all kinds of tacky stuff she also has a podcast called low culture boil um and she's written for publications like glamour mel uh and lives in in brooklyn which uh we we of course get into the the episode is fun if you're a fan of two very important things in our lives one of them being the cheesecake factory for me and then the band creed for chris we really get wide open about both of those subjects and i actually just picked up some cheesecake factory brown bread mini nibblers and those will uh sneak preview for you tonight chris at the how long gone holiday party they'll be around with a little butter you can smear it on there chris oh wow thanks for that okay let's uh let's let's talk to rack so you can stop talking about mediocre food for once bye all right this episode of how long gone is brought to you by quince Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated.

but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcast. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone. It was brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you.

How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app. using promo code howlong. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. Yeah, we appreciate when anybody comes to the table with elite podcaster gear because we've dealt with a lot of, like Jason said, there's a lot of people that... do this all the time but still haven't invested the $50 into the gear, which is mind-boggling. They have podcasts that are way bigger than both of our podcasts combined and make a lot more money and record it in a well on a Motorola Razr, it sounds like. Well, I mean, I kind of have to do it this way because I live on the corner where all the ambulances drive by with their sirens on 24 hours a day. So my first couple episodes of my podcast before I had my shit. It wasn't even me talking. It was just like ambulances with my voice kind of superimposed in places. Okay, is that because you live next to a hospital or are you in like gang territory? Well, I do live near a hospital, but I think it's been...

more lately and i think that it's uh covid coming back to bite us in the ass again the covid ambulance chasers going in and out of your block yes oh my god what you know what doesn't what doesn't this thing touch you know what i'm saying we can't even have an we can't even have we can't even podcast about this shit getting in the way this is bullshit for the elderly people but but not my podcast yeah my podcast leave us alone Look, people are going to die, and that's fine, but my content has to be created. I can't. It has to be crystalline. It has to sound perfect. I'm a fellow gear sled as well, so it's nice to meet you. Yeah, I'm not much of an audio cat, and that kind of bothers Jason a little bit because sometimes my audio that I sent him is not up to his quality standards. really try to care you know what i mean but i just what does that mean i really try to care that's not i really care it's i really you attempt to care what does that mean exactly well i i appreciate the audio quality and what it requires to get it there but unfortunately i'm just not capable of like prioritizing that versus my comfort maybe, or something of that nature. Riddle me this then, Chris. Literally the only thing that you need to make your audio sound better is something that gives you comfort, which is any furniture in your room at all. Anything at all other than a wooden desk and a metal leather chair. A couch, a chair. A sofa, a bed, a rug. The list goes on. Do you hear what I deal with? This man's attacking not only my audio sensibility, but my design sensibility, which most people would agree is better than his. So I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know. I just told you, buy a couch, buy a chair, buy a rug, buy a bed. Anything other than... I'm sitting in a beautiful Eames three-pad desk chair, vintage brown leather. And that seems to do the trick for me. It's pretty comfortable so far. You know what I mean?

We've all been podcasting for 10 minutes. See, Rax over here, the chair she's sitting on itself is absorbing so much sound. Look at that fuzzy, comfy chair you're on. Yeah, I don't mean to brag, but I do have a chair. She's got a leg up on you. Is that faux polar bear? I almost said it's real polar bear, but then I was like, not even as a joke, Rax. Not even as a joke. No, this is an Ikea polar bear. Yeah, something like that would be nice for you, Chris. My back is covered in sweat right now. That is a significant downside to my setup. Unfortunately, that's the downside. I guess I do prioritize comfort, Jason, but I'll try to make some leaps in the right direction for you. Bold face live, but on to you, Rax. So are you in L.A.? Is that right? No. I live in New York. I live in, I mean, Chris and I were just talking about my shithole apartment and the great lengths that I go to to try and make it not a hovel. Okay, what is so shithole-y about it? The walls are crumbling. Okay, so structurally it's not sound. That's something we need to get concerned with first and foremost. So people will take a tour of your place and they're like, this place has got... Some bad bones. Yeah. I'm not convinced it has bones. I think the landlord put up some fake bullshit and was just like, it's walls. And I can see, I'm like looking at a real problem wall. Yeah, it's not walls. It is not walls. The walls are made out of all-purpose flour. Yeah, exactly. Before I moved in here, I was working at a construction firm at the time, so I had access to the city's database of what's wrong with this building. That's how I know that the building is structurally unsound, and I bullied my landlord into giving me cheaper rent because of it, and that was cool. That decision is biting me in the ass right now. So the karma of extorting your landlord is starting to come back and bite you a little bit. Yeah, it turns out that, because at the time, I was like, well, this is great. I'm going to get cheaper rent to live in this apartment, and now I'm remembering why I'm getting cheaper rent. Like, oh, it's falling apart. So you're like, I have access to all the shittiest places in the town. Here we go. Yeah, exactly. Draw a heart around it, like the classified ads. Yeah.

Yeah, my landlord's still coming out ahead. He is still charging me money to live in this hobble. Yeah, any money at all is too much. Well, I want to talk about your construction background. I didn't know you were a blue-collar chick like that. Front of house or back of house? Yeah, what's the vibe? Front of house in that analogy. I mean, I worked in the office. I didn't do handwork. I did emails. You used the mental, not the physical. Did you watch House of Gucci as an aside? Yes. Okay, so you were kind of like... Yes. Yeah, I watched the hell out of House of Gucci. So you watched the hell out of House of Gucci, but early on in the film, it shows Lady Gaga working in the construction office, and it's all the Guido guys catcalling her as she's walking past the cement mixer to this kind of trailer office, but it's very nice, and everyone's wearing fur and smoking in there, so same kind of vibe for you over there? So, yes, but I didn't have the mouthy, Italians, I worked for Hasids, so I kind of faked my way into the job. I was like, I'm Jewish, and the lady didn't ask any questions, and then I was not the right kind of Jewish by any stretch. If a nice Hasidic man were to catcall you, what might it sound like, Rax? Just a little fun role play. I don't do impressions. I certainly don't do impressions of the Hasids I used to work with. I will say... I can't do it. Chris can do it. You apparently can, so spread your wings and fly. You're the only one we have. I wouldn't get canceled for it, but everybody would groan because I don't do good voices. I will say that one of the guys in my office, it was, again, all Hasidic dudes, and I just kind of mindlessly went to shake his hand when I met him, and that was obviously a no-go. But then every time he saw me after that, he would do finger guns at me as a little fun workaround. And I just love that. Look, I mean, I assume this is a COVID thing. You're supposed to do like a little elbow bump or a finger gun, but he wouldn't shake your hand at all. Is this pre-COVID? Yeah, well before COVID. Is that just because you're a woman? Yeah. Yeah, they don't touch women that aren't there. Okay, got it. You have to be a wife to get touched. I didn't know that. If you're in for some hot handshake in action, you got to go straight to the husband.

I saw this guy's hands and I just knew I had to marry him. I mean, oh my God, the hands on this guy. It was fucking beautiful. It's powerful, man. It's important. Okay, so you used to work front of house construction. This was in New York as well. Yeah. Okay. Are you born and raised in New York? No, I'm from D.C. Okay. Okay, I got nothing left. Wow, you looked like you were trying to have something to say about that, and then there was just nothing. Sweetgreen is from there. That's about it. Near and dear to my heart. You guys got Minor Threat and Sweetgreen, two of my favorite exports. Fugazi. Yeah, no, of course. Bad brains, you know? I probably like Fugazi more than Minor Threat on a listability scale. You know what I mean? As an adult, I can put on Fugazi and feel good about that. It aged better. It aged better. Yeah, Minor Threat doesn't really feel appropriate in my BMW X5 going to Whole Foods. You know what I mean? But Fugazi does. But Fugazi does. Fugazi does. Ian McKay is a super nice guy, actually. He came to one of my shows once. Because if you live in D.C. He's around. And play music. Yeah, he just... goes to everything so it felt incredibly cool for me but he was like not paying attention everyone was buying him drinks or I guess he doesn't drink but whatever like buying him offerings yeah another glass of milk for my friend Ian over there yeah that's actually in Atlanta that happened for I'm from Atlanta and that used to happen for a couple year period with Andre 3000 yeah he would He would come to hardcore shows and punk shows and just kind of check it out because he just liked the energy kind of thing. He's so cool. Why is he so much cooler than anyone? And now he goes to the mall here in L.A. and just plays the flute in the parking lot. Seriously? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds like a made-up thing. Wow. No, he's known to pop up with his flute and just begin wailing on that thing. I saw him once at the popular mall here called The Grove. So you've got Ian McKay. Chris has Andre 3000 here in L.A. It's like our version of that is like Andy Dick will show up to your show and like rape someone and then piss in the corner. So you guys have cool stuff. It's a lot cooler. Can you stop that from happening? The police have been trying for decades.

Like wanted Andy Dick kind of situation? Yeah, he is. The talent agents of Hollywood have done it, but the police are still trying to kind of catch up to that, I think. He's been deplatformed on social media, but the police can't catch him. He's a slippery little guy. Like a greased up pig at the county fair. Like a greased up hog. Try and catch him. What a freak. I haven't thought about him in a long time, actually. He used to be, because he was on TV. quite a lot for a little while, because he would do those VH1 shows. They would not stop putting him on TV. Why did they keep letting that happen? Maybe he had some Epstein dirt on Hollywood. Exactly. Like, somebody owed his, or his agent was owed favors by, like, enough people that it generated a career for a while. I feel like Andy, because of his drug use and his philandering, he's probably seen some shit incriminating things. That's a good point. He's like, I don't remember anything last night. But I remember you did blah, blah, blah, Tom Cruise. And he's like, Andy, whatever you want. Bro, Andy, Andy, we'll get you on that VH1 reality show. Let's get you a Christmas special and just like forget this all ever happened. Put this whole thing behind us. Yeah, exactly. We need an Andy Dick Christmas special is exactly what we need. That's a great idea. You're part of the problem. I think I'm the only Andy Dick sympathizer in this town. I don't know why he tickles me. Andy Dick sympathizer. What did he, what did he, what is he? famous for like news radio or something wasn't he on like a he was on like a real show and was like he was on news radio he was on he was on a bunch of shows but like comedy wise he's like a talented comedian he just has fallen by the wayside like he's like the real heads really appreciate him like a like a louis ck perhaps a comedian's so he got his start in the comedy biz and then made it onto tv the classic pipeline Of your. Yeah, it doesn't happen anymore. You're right. What happens now? Just nothing. Nothing happens. Nothing good happens. Well, there's no more TV shows. Right. So there's no sitcoms where a comedian is there. Or at least there hasn't been since I can remember. Yeah, the old school where Joe Rogan was on a TV show just being the foil a little bit. And it was a minor role. I think now you just get...

Three Netflix specials for $10 million and you have a tick tock and then you're kind of good to go. It sounds like shit. It does sound like shit. I agree with you. No, it sounds I mean, like I think going to do like a NBC sitcom every day where you can't say anything you want and there's a laugh track and you have a kid there and the grandma there and it's like that sounds like shit. I'd rather get 10 million to do exactly what I was already doing before. I don't think I don't think you realize how much money you make when you're on a sitcom. How much money you used to make. If you go to sitcom, if you go into syndication. I think that sitcom pay is still more, even if you don't go into syndication, I think it's really, really crazy, Brad. That's because you're old and... You're going on like a system that is a little more outdated, Chris. Of course. I pay more attention to the media landscape than you. Yeah, no, that's... Well, contemporary, of course. You have the 80s, 90s really down, though, with the CAA books and stuff. Yeah, thank you. The CAA book is great. I recommend it this holiday season. You know, that's fine. I recommend it every year. I recommend it every year. Well, you have a book I guess we should recommend as well, don't you? We'll see. Legally, you do have to recommend my book because I'm here. So, you know. It's called Tacky. It's an essay collection about things like Creed and the Cheesecake Factory, so exclusively really good things. Okay. Yeah, well, luckily for you, I'm a big Creed guy, and Jason's a big Cheesecake Factory guy, so you kind of found your home here at How Long Gone. You can zig or zag, and you'll be right home here, Rex. So let's get into Creed first, and then we'll move on to the Cheesecake. Okay. You know, I'm not a Creed hater, but I wouldn't say I'm a Creed lover. I've heard you speak a little bit about Creed, just like the music stands up the test of time. Scott, the lead singer, is a Jesus-like character that's a little more handsome than we all realized. They have a positive message without being terribly cheesy. The Christian undertones are somehow digestible. That's about the...

shape of things. I mean, my point is mostly, it's not so much like you have to like Creed. Like, I don't think that's true. But I do think that the fervor that people once reserved for hating Creed was a little suspect and over the top. And I never really believed that people hated them that much. I think, you know, you're trying to... say something else when you say that this band is not even worth consideration. If you go out of your way to poo-poo Creed, what do you think that is actually saying when you're doing that? I think it's the same way that people act like Florida is this special hotbed of awfulness, and really it's just a place, and a lot of people live there. A lot of different places depending on where you are and who you are in Florida. And I think Creed is like the Florida of new metal bands. And new metal is the Florida of music. Yeah, exactly. Like Creed has a few Miami songs. They also got a few Fort Lauderdale songs. I think it's mostly Tampa. It's a lot of Tampa. The bulk of their catalog, sure, is Tampa-based. It's downtown Ybor City, if you will. I don't know how much you've been to Florida. I'm Jewish. I've been to Florida all the time. I've been dying to go to Florida. As soon as Art Basel finished, it's in my bones. I've got to get down there and do some roller skating. Sorry, Chris, go ahead. I think that you're absolutely right about this. Doth protests too much. kind of energy to this whole thing. But I also think when you look just at chart position alone these motherfuckers were beloved if you base it on popularity and and like sales like they they had a real moment there for a while and what he's turned into is also that i don't factor but go ahead is pretty cool you know what i mean he's he's really like he looks insane like full botox guy like the whole shit like looks yes okay so if we're gonna go there we are 2014 yeah let's let's dive in

In 2014, I was futzing around online, as you do, and an event made itself known to me, and that event was Scott Stapp of Creed performing live at the New Jersey Vape Expo. Oh, shit! And I wanted to go so bad, and I'm kicking myself to this day, I didn't go to that, because that must have been a crazy fucking event. This was when he was like... making these Facebook videos saying that the CIA was stalking him and talking about, like, he wrote a song for the Miami Marlins. He was just, like, really in his blue period. It's so sick. It's such a good song. Scott was in his fucking bag. Scott was in his fucking bag in 2014. Yeah. I mean. That's what he was born to do. So I didn't know that he went a little. down a troubled path with the CIA and stuff like that. The vape stuff checks out. Well, Jason, have you ever used methamphetamine a lot? Because you kind of get in your zone a little bit. So was meth to blame for this behavior? I don't know. I don't think meth. He wasn't sober, and now he is. And he also had not yet been diagnosed with bipolar, which now he's on medication for. So it was a real dark period. Not that funny way, actually. I mean, obviously, in a very funny way. But also, when you look at this as something that's actually happening to a real person who has a family, it's not that cool to shit on this guy. It's a crossroads of a lot of bad things happening to a person at one time. They were also really famous, and it was one of those bands that was completely faceless except for him. It could have been anyone playing those other instruments. No one knows anything about them. I don't know what their names are, and I'm a Cree fan. I'm a fan! I don't know what that means, but yeah, I think that the... that time period but it was it this to me is also similar to the to the woodstock documentary that we talked you know that came out a little while ago where all those bands were just like so big but i i don't know if like hating limp biscuit was a personality trait in the same way that hating creed was it was like i hate this and that defines me more than what i like which is a very strange conundrum to put yourself in well that that that is an interesting point because i was a limbiscuit hater because i hated the type of people who were limbiscuit fans because those were the people like i would go to high school with and those were like the shitty people that i didn't like they seemed like assholes they seemed like pieces of shit

So their music was not for me. I had a similar issue with Sublime as well, growing up in Orange County. But a Creed fan, it's kind of hard to distinguish them as a certain type of person, maybe because their reach was so wide. Moms are liking them, little kids are liking them. They didn't have a certain type, because I don't know how new metal they... They were. Yeah, I would agree that they were a little outside. They were like a little bit outside of the core. They were a little on the ambiguous side of things. Yeah, and I think that that was a big reason that they became so easy to hate. I mean, as we've said, they were crazy stupid popular, like multi-platinum, selling out arenas. And then the people who seemed to be giving the directive to dislike them. I mean, let's just call them professional intellectual types, you know, like critics and writers. Thank you. People like myself, yes. People basically identical to me. Exactly. People that I relate to a lot. Right. High thinkers, stuff like that. Okay. People who enjoy fugazi. But it ends up being this... dichotomy of sorts between like people giving the directive to despise this band, not ever giving any real reason, just saying like this band is bad because it's bad. And then the, you know, millions of people who like it, like them because it's, it's easy to like, it's not hard on the brain creed. No, yeah, no. And I, I love smooth brain music from time to time. And, and that's something Jason likes things are a little more challenging, but I'm, I like to be challenged by the arts, but I do not. I will not. sit here and be challenged by a fucking painting. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to stare that painting in the face and I'm going to fucking get it. I'm going to get it quick. I'm going to know what's in that painting. I think that that era though is just really, because we talked about on some recent episodes like the kind of blog house era because we had our friend on who wrote a book about blog house and it was probably one of the worst dressed eras of all time that we lived through if not the worst and I think that mercifully the Creed Limp Bizkit era was a little bit like

It was uglier, but it was in a mass way, I think. It was like that's what the world looked like at the time. Whereas I think Blog House was more of a microcosm of what things were going on. You know, when my book came out, I had a book release party for it that was like early 2000s themed. So I was Googling, you know, early 2000s style, early 2000s makeup, trying to get my outfit together. And every single thing that I found was, you know. It would be a slideshow of iconic looks, and it would begin with, now, the early 2000s weren't a very good time for fashion, style, and makeup. Everybody looked like dog shit, and, you know, fair enough, we all did, but I think it's kind of telling that it was such noisy dog shit, like, everything was so metallic, and snake skin, and, like, the pants had a million belts hanging off the back of them, like, nothing was... quiet or easy to overlook i like noisy dog shit yeah that's just so i guess is this the reason why you chose this theme because your book is called tacky this is the epitome of tackiness or is it like can you be campy can you be tacky and camp i thought about this uh no i don't think so i think that uh the difference is that Tacky is like camp that's embarrassed of itself. The whole thing with camp is that you take something that you think is bad and you declare that it's actually so bad it's good. It's so over the top. It's so bad that it circles back around on itself. And I think tacky, not so much. That moment never came with something like Creed. The tackiness is ignorant of its own tackiness, whereas the camp realizes it, so it's okay. Right. There's a little more fun there. Yeah, I think that's true. Damn. Okay. So what exactly was the, what look did you land on for this early 2000s tacky party? I had a Von Dutch hat. That was a big, big element of my look. And I had a big old belt. Was it original dead stock?

Von Dutch hat from your archives, or this is a newer read? No, a friend of mine made it for me. It says tacky on the front, and I think it's just like an Amazon Von Dutch hat. Oh, a Von Dutch style hat, but custom. Yeah, after the manner of Von Dutch. I understand, I understand. We don't want you to get sued or anything. And you said a large belt? Von Dutch is a very, Christian Adige is very litigious. You should watch out for him. Yeah, that was the big thing for women, was like a giant belt. For no reason. How many inches wide are we talking, girl? A couple to three or four. It was like a micropenis belt. If you were to lay your micromete out on it, it would be a perfect size? It would just cover, yeah. Damn. That's a great descriptor for a belt. You should be an authoress because you sure can't paint a picture. That's how I measure everything is in micropenis. It's new. I don't understand the metric system, but this I understand. It's instinctive. You're making it really easy for both of us to understand. Use what you know. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, this party, did everybody have to dress in the theme, or was it kind of you leading the charge? Not everybody had to. Pretty much everyone did. I mean, it would have been very horrible if I was the only one. Yeah, I mean, I'm just not into themes, but I feel like this is very appropriate. You know what I mean? I feel like I get it that you kind of had to, but I mean, I feel like we're probably... you know, of a similar age generally. So I think we, we really lived this once in a way that we deeply understand it. So it wouldn't even be hard. It wouldn't be hard. You're more of a Grinchy fella. So I don't, I can't really imagine you ever dressing up for a themed party. Have you ever dressed up for a theme party? Probably. Yeah. I don't like to do it myself. I don't really like it. It's not something I like to do. It's a little try hard. The theme of the party is that it's a party. Looking hot, getting fucked up.

That's what you do at a party? Yeah. It doesn't matter what clothing I'm wearing. Get the micro out. Yeah. That's a party. Get the straw out. Get the razor blade out. We're doing it. I throw the micro around the waist and I'm ready to hit the town, baby. Okay, so how many people got COVID at your party? I'd like to say zero. Of course you'd like to say, but what's the real number? I'd like to, and I'm going to. Nobody got in touch with me after. May they rest in peace. Your hands are clean. Yeah, I mean, I assume that if anyone got COVID, they had the good courtesy to die and not leave me to deal with it. I was so worried about calling you and telling you I just died. I just literally died. I had to die to get this off my chest. It doesn't matter. Don't tell me you've got a disease at my party. I don't want to know about that shit. That's your problem. That's between you and your God. I hope the decency can die. Okay, so we're both in L.A. right now, and my life partner was just in New York, and she was saying it's COVID crazy over there in New York. We need boots on the ground scene report. What's going on? She's right. It is COVID crazy. Yeah, it's fucking wild out here, guys. That's it. I'm not going to say almost everybody, but so many people that I know have turned up this past week with positive COVID diagnoses. I just took a test today, and I don't have it, thank God. Thank you for doing that. We make all of our guests tests before we do the show. Even though it's virtual? Yeah. Because I actually have never tested. That's kind of my whole thing. It's like if I don't know, then I don't have it is kind of my outlook. Some people have a problem with that, but it seems kind of like a modern – That's been his outlook for a lot of different diseases through the years. So it seems good for now, but I guess if they force me to take one, maybe I'll get some answers I don't want. You might. And when you do the at-home ones, it makes you wait for 15 minutes between sticking the thing up your nose and knowing whether you're about to die. And that's a really bad 15 minutes. I was sitting there this morning. I had my test in front of me. I was watching my planet Earth.

And it was all just like wildebeest massacres and shit, and I kept saying this is a bad omen for 15 minutes. Wow. The last time I did mine, I probably did the dishes, something like that, folded some laundry, but you were watching Planet Earth Wildebeests. I mean, that's what I'm doing at any given time anyway. It's not like I had my Planet Earth set up specifically to be mood music for my COVID test, but yeah. So a lot of people will have ambient TV on in the background, Seinfeld, Friends, stuff like that. You're more of an Earth girl? I like when I – because I don't watch TV. I scroll my phone and the TV is on. But I like when I look up from my phone and there's a guy in front of me, some kind of like cow or whatever. A guy. Yeah, I just love seeing guys on the tube. You know what I'm saying, fellas? Some kind of male animal in all his majesty. Yeah, all animals are boys. That's like rule one. Anytime I see an animal, I think it's a boy. I agree with you, and I hate to gender animals, but I have to. I agree with you. It's got to be done. It's an instinct that I cannot control. I've never watched one of those shows in my life, which is kind of crazy because I used to smoke weed every day for 15 years. That's what I do. That's why I watch them. That was my follow-up question. I've never watched one before. You know what it is? I think the 4K definition. It's too much. It's too far. It's too realistic. I want things a little... That's how I feel about the ones with the ocean. I don't need to know in that much detail what's going on at the bottom of the ocean. They would have told me by now. It's too fuzzy. It's too crispy. Yeah, it's too crispy. Maybe you guys need to get some shittier TVs. That's going to be a cool new underground movement. Yeah, it's like a VHS. We're not doing 4K. We're doing 1K. Yeah, we're going all the way back. No, I just can't watch that stuff. And it seems... it's like it's the beatles die it's like never ending right there's just hours and hours and hours of it that's kind of the beauty of it you never want to see the end of it yeah exactly and they keep wheeling out david attenborough i think that's that's just what he does now is he narrates the the goings-on of the guys in the wild that's a good game and he like observes them and makes catty remarks sometimes he's the he's the joe rogan of nature i'll say it yeah

He said, I can make catty remarks about anything. I can't. How come I'm making less money than this David guy? This is bullshit. Yeah, he's a knight, too. You're not a knight. You're not a knight, Chris. That I know of. Man, fuck both y'all. Yeah, you don't know nothing about me. You don't know shit about me, okay? Yeah, his voice is just so perfect, though, you know? It is. soothing and it's it's beautiful and then he once in a while he'll say something like sarcastic and it throws me because i'm just like who the fuck are you sir david attenborough i mean he could with a voice like that he can talk me uh right out of my true religion okay so you're you're a known scroller looking at your phone while you're watching quote-unquote watching tv do you uh do you do this solo or do you also do it with friends uh sometimes it'll be a social thing. There'll be a bunch of us all on our phones, not speaking to each other. That's how I like to socialize. It's probably not good for anybody, but that's how it's done. That's how everyone socializes. You just have to see people because otherwise you're a loser or whatever, but you don't want to speak. I'm not going to go through the trauma of... speaking to my friends. You're not going to ask somebody how are they, but it's good to breathe the same Omicron air and scroll together just in case. Right, you've got to get all your friends together just to transmit COVID in case anybody doesn't have it. It's a responsible thing. Jason, are you the one that called me the Golden State Scroller? I did! which is named after the Golden State Killer, which is a famous thing going on. And Jason called me the Golden State Scroller, which is something that I take pride in because I kind of try to one-up myself every week on screen time. Much like a serial killer, your total death count is a number that you keep an eye on. Yeah, exactly. You're always trying to see how you can improve that score, your batting average, your stabbing average, whatever it may be. And same for Chris. Yeah, I'm constantly trying to improve myself. And by that, it means spending more time on my cellular telephone. The amount of time, the amount of angry birds that come across his iPhone every day, it would make your head spin. But speaking of angry birds, let's get into the cuisine of Cheesecake Factory. I was just there last week at the Grove, the very same mall, where I saw Andre 3000, known floutist. Flouting. Sounds like a glamorous place. It has its ups and downs.

But there's, I was never really a cheese head. I just kind of thought of it as, you know, bad food for bad people. Normal, you know, creative restaurants. I see you grimacing, of course, this as a, I'll turn it around, but because of my life partner's love of Cheesecake Factory her whole life. she had to show me let me show you my factory and now i see you know it's just like you know someone comes to la someone goes to florida this place is a fucking shithole but then if you have if you're dialed in you got your guy with the lamborghini let me get you a cafecito that's the coke guy here's where you get empanada whatever then you're like okay i get it yeah same thing for cheesecake yeah you need a concierge you need a concierge you need somebody to shepherd you Because that menu is large, right? Yeah, the menu is, I mean, if I didn't already know what I was getting every time I went to a cheesecake factory, I would stop right there. It's too scary. Well, that brings me to another point is my life partner does the same thing where it's like, oh, scan the menu. Here's the menu. Clunk it down. And she's like, that won't be necessary. Kind of like how Chris, when he goes to Mr. Chow's, it's considered uncouth. To ask for a menu, right? I would never ask for a menu. A fool would do that. They offer it to you, but if you accept it, you're a known newbie. And nothing is worse than being a newbie. You're treated poorly, spitting in the food. As if the food could get any worse. It's like going to a omakase sushi restaurant and asking for French fries and a California roll or something like that. This is why I never go anywhere. I don't know the rules of any place. There's a lot of rules. I've never been to Cheesecake Factory my entire life. Really? No, never. I think I can make that last probably forever. It's not really up my street, but I do think it seems like a place that really delivers on the American promise of portions. Am I wrong to assume that? Are the portions large and in charge? Astronomical, yeah. You should get like three meals out of your Cheesecake Factory order. So when you get the Alfredo, it's Big Mama size. This is for the family. Yeah, that's something that I actually refuse to get just because when they plunk that plate down in front of you, it makes a sound, like it lands.

And then you just confront the reality of the amount of fettuccine Alfredo that you've just like contracted with yourself to eat. And I can't do that. That's too depressing of a dish to eat like three of in a row. No, it's too much white food, which is something we got to, you know what I mean? Like I don't like to make this about race, but white foods, I can't think of that many that I'm interested in eating three portions of. But I mean, if I were trying to, so. Let's say I'm trying to eat clean. I'm on my workout swag. You know, what am I getting at? What a cheesecake. Chris, Chris, Chris, they have a whole chapter, the New Testament of the menu, that's called Skinnylicious. There are dozens of items, food, cocktails, apps, desserts, all from the Skinnylicious menu. A lot of their dishes, like the name of the dish is copyrighted, which I think... should say something about what you're in for. Yeah, that's true. But I guess Skinnylicious to me sounds like more of a branding opportunity than an honest statement about what's on that portion of the menu. The Skinnylicious branding is a direct reaction to when chain restaurants had to list the amount of calories on each menu item. Because Cheesecake Factory, if you look at the menu items and the corresponding calorie counts... It's one of the more upsetting things. And I think that's the main reason why Rax and my life partner choose not to look at the menu and have their items memorized because one slice of carrot cake is 1,720 calories. Yeah, there's not a single thing on that menu that is less than your recommended caloric intake for the entire day. Like everything is about a day and a half's worth of eating. Yeah, it's true. There are multiple salads on the menu clock in well over 2000 calories how do you so can you explain to me like how you get yourself psyched up to go there i mean it's less of a psych it's it involves more depression than you don't go to the cheesecake factory you end up at the cheesecake yeah but but the life life flushes you down a toilet and you suddenly you're you say that you say that but jason i know this from talking to you i'm sure it's true in new york racks but it's like you know

It's like hard to get a table. It is. Like it's like hard to go. It's very hard. So is it – It turns out a lot of people are depressed in America. No, but I'm saying – so if you go – I guess what I'm saying is you go on a Friday night, 730. Is the mix of people there like people like you who are doing this for kicks once every couple months or is it lifers? Like what's the split between this is a nice restaurant for my family? Or, like, hey, we're having a laugh. I'll let you answer, but, Rex, it's just like a Creed audience. There's a little bit of everything. I think that's right. I mean, there are a lot of people, like, because Cheesecake Factory sits on a weird, like, balance of traits about itself. So, like, it's fancy. When you go in there, it reads as fancy. Yeah. But it's not super expensive. So it's a place where people go to, like. celebrate people who don't go to restaurants that often it's like a special occasion place but it's also like gaudy enough that people who do have plenty of money and go to restaurants all the time they still think it's fun to like hang out at the cheesecake factory because it's so gaudy and because like chris jenner is really into it and shit like that and it's you know now hold on now i'm turning around now hold on now you finally said something that's attracting me to this christian gout place yeah this well i think it uh i think it appeals to that kind of animal lizard brain that we have where we all want to have some of that basic person comfort level where like every every month or so a month or two months Every month or so or maybe every biweekly. I don't know. Whenever you get your period, you should also go to the Cheesecake Factory. I didn't want to do a menstrual reference, but of course I wanted to. But we're not that close to really make those types of sex jokes just quite yet. It's kind of like, you know what? Maybe I killed it this month. I've been eating very healthy and working out a bunch. And sometimes you just want to say, fuck it. I'm just going to eat spinach artichoke dip.

French fries with ranch. Oh, a margarita slice of like Oreo cheesecake, bro. And you just do it and you love it. You enjoy it. You're not down on yourself? Did you eat the bread when you went? Did you get, like, some baskets of bread? The bread is the best part. The bread is reason enough to go. Yeah, I agree. I'm not kidding you. Jason goes pretty often. This is not, he's not putting on, like, they go, I would say you go once every couple months, right, Jason? Yeah, well, my girlfriend and one of our mutual friends, this girl, Emily, they like to do kind of, like, normal people role play, I guess. Like, where they normally live sort of, like, more luxurious lifestyles. designer clothing and chic restaurants and things like that but their childhood you know is deeply embedded in that cheesesteak factory so there's a lot of like yeah warm nostalgia that you feel entering there and it's all and also like a big part of it to me is like the service level where you go to all these like you know brooklyn hipster restaurants or all these spots in la And the service is kind of shit. You have an aspiring actor, waiter, server person that is not very good. But at Cheesecake, everyone is just on it. The service is, you know, from the hostess to the janitor, the guy, clean up the tables, the manager. They're like, they're very good. They're very well trained. It's a well-oiled machine. And those are hard to come by nowadays. So like when you go to most restaurants now, in New York and L.A. anyway. There's this thing that happens at the beginning of your meal where the person waiting on you asks, have you dined with us before? And you know it's about to unlock all this lore and all this procedural shit. And that does not happen at the Cheesecake Factory. They could not give a fuck whether you've been there before. It's so straightforward. They're like, I work here. You don't. Yeah. You tell me food I bring. You eat. You pay me. That's how restaurants work. Yeah. It's so easy. You know what French fries are. Yeah. You know what spaghetti is. I remember having that. Oh, God. Yeah. I remember. I say this all the time. What's the restaurant downtown LA that I hate? What's the restaurant that I hate? There's so many. Downtown Bestia?

Bestia. I went to Bestia, which was a hot restaurant at the time, and I sat down and I ordered a pizza, and they explained to me that they do pizza a little differently. And I'm just like, fuck you. I'm not going to eat the pizza from the center out. I don't care if it's salt. You're out of your fucking minds. It's pizza. I think I got it under control once you put it in front of me. Yeah, I got it. But I think you're right. I think that the, have you done this before? I can't think of a restaurant I've been to, like a real restaurant, quote unquote, that doesn't ask you that. And I have to, what is the point of asking that question? Because they're prepping you to not get enough food. They know they're about to bring you not enough food and they want to take the liability off themselves. So they say things like tapas. They want you to spend more money, basically, is what it is. They want you to spend more money. I think you're probably right about it. Jason, do you have a theory, or does that track for you? No, that does track, but it's also like restaurants like the Cheesecake Factory, they're very straightforward, so there's no explanation. It's a restaurant. You're a customer. That's it. But every restaurant now is like... The chef or the owner is like, we're going to do it my special way. And if you have been here, then I don't have to spend the next 10 minutes doing the spiel that I hate to do, that I do 100 times a night of like the chef wants you to order three to five small dishes for the table and four to three mains and get everything out. It's a whole thing. So by the end of it, no one's really enjoying it anymore. I've worked at those restaurants where I have to give the lore to the new customers. And they become hostile a lot of the time. That's me. Yeah, I mean, that's kind of me too because, you know, I would never be hostile to somebody working in a restaurant. But in my head, I'm just like, you motherfucker, just bring me an amount of food where I will eat it and be happy for the rest of the night. I don't want to eat it and be happy now. Yeah. I think what has to happen is the server, instead of being like, have you been here before? And you're like, no, it's the first time. And they're like.

Okay. And then they go into that. At that point, the customer hates it. The server hates it. No one's having a good time. But if the server is like, hey, the information I'm about to tell you, this lore is very beneficial. It's important. Pay attention because it will help you in this meal. If there's a little bit of that kind of urgency or this is important info that you should take in, then I think everyone will be a little bit happier. Maybe. But good help is just hard to find across the board. What kind of restaurants did you work in? Did you work in like fine dining, like high end kind of vibe or was it mid range? I've worked in all sorts. I worked in restaurants for about 10 years and I did like coffee shops that only had counter service. And then the last restaurant I worked in was like high end prefix, that kind of deal. And I will say that overall working for the corporate chains, all restaurant jobs that I ever had were like very shitty. Working for the corporate chains was better because they can't really get away with much. They've got like inspectors up their ass all the time. They have to report taxes in a real way. And like the mom and pop joint, they do not do any of that shit. They pretend I don't exist when the tax man comes around. It's just. Really awful. So if I'm going to get into the culinary world, I better start at Starbucks. Yes, that's what my first job was. I know a lot of people that worked at Starbucks. All my friends that worked at Starbucks worked there because it was easy to steal money. I remember that specifically. And that was a big, that was a big, like really gotten to the point where I think they were running like to register, like really in depth, like not taking a 20 off the top. Like we're doing this professionally. Yeah. And it's like, it's very easy to do that even at a low individualized level. You just, you know, slip shit in your pocket. I once stole an entire drawer full of free drink coupons and I was using them all over town. Like it was a heist, like a heist in a thousand pieces. It was. It was great for me. So do you ever go back to Starbucks or are you traumatized? I never go back to the one that I specifically worked at and I never will. Even getting off...

the DC Metro at the same stop as that Starbucks. I don't like to do it. The train stop is a trigger. A little bit. I'm with you on that. She smells the burnt Pike Place roast wafting through the air and she's just taken back to high school. That's right. So what's your Starbucks order? I usually just get an iced chai. I don't like to get fussy with it. Iced chai? Iced chai? Is you not getting fussy? Yeah. It's very easy to make. It's like the easiest thing to make because you don't have to pull espresso. Okay. Oh, so you're thinking of the barista in this situation. Very selfless. Well, I do like it. It is what I like to drink. But there are also things I like to drink at Starbucks that are a pain in the ass to make, and I never get them. Did you make – because I remember I had a friend who would make these crazy – because we were all vegan at the time. He would make these crazy like vegan milkshakes almost that he patented like an off-menu, you know. It would cost $14 if you ordered it because there's so much shit in it. Are people's orders really as crazy as it comes off in the world? I had one guy who had a drink. It was in a venti cup, a large cup, and it was 14 pumps of chai syrup, 10 pumps of vanilla syrup, heavy whipping cream, steamed. It was hot. And then with whipped cream on the top. And he called it his chai pudding. And he drank one a day. And the whole thing has to have been like 5,000 calories. It grossed me out even to make it. One a day? Yeah, one a day. So there was no coffee in this at all? None. Did this guy have to get wheeled in? Or was he like a normal cup? No, he was a yoga instructor, I think. His name was Mike. I will never forget that his name was Mike. Or that he had chai pudding. Nobody liked to make it. Do you remember how much this beverage cost? Fuck, I don't. It was in the $20-ish range. It was a lot. It was like his treat for the day. He would come in. It was very friendly, but he would also stand over the person making it and observe and give notes. 11, 12, 13, 14. He would call you out if you didn't do the syrup count right. He was a nice guy, but he was a pain in the ass. Nobody liked to make his drink because it was so disgusting to handle. It went.

like a pound and a half. It was such a weighty thing. That's so... I guess I'm... I like things... my way but for some i would never make it that hard on people like i i guess i don't i don't have that experimental or that disgusting of a palette where i need something to be so specific right that i'm going to make your life a problem if it's not done correctly yeah and i mean like any one person doing shit like that is not really a big deal but when you have a line of like 20 people in a row and they all want you to do something a little bit differently it sucks it's annoying but why do you think but do you think starbucks Do you think they encourage the customization or do you think they're implicit? Oh, yeah, they absolutely encourage it. That was the whole thing when Starbucks first became real popular, right? Because it was like Starbucks versus like gas station coffee. And at the time, Starbucks was like the fancy option. I mean, that's not really the case anymore. It's kind of basic now. Sure, sure. But it was like crazy expensive and they had to justify it. And so they would allow you to get weird with it. You could change the milk that you were getting or the. Number of syrup pumps in something. You could get whipped cream when there wasn't supposed to be any. And, you know, they would encourage this stuff tacitly. And, of course, they charge you extra for making all these customizations. The Starbucks iced soy latte, unsweetened, is already so sweet, you know? Like the soy milk has a fuckload of sugar in it. Whenever I drink just an unsweetened drink from Starbucks, it's already so sweet to begin with. And I think that's what's wrong with America. I mean, it's coffee for the American palate. Like, I do think that's true because Americans are so used to there being ambient sugar in absolutely everything. Ambient sugar is a great way to put it. You know, their whole marketing deal was to act kind of. tacitly italian like they would just kind of make up fake italian names for stuff and you know it was like they were putting on a mario accent but like really it's so american i mean i think that that's the thing if you stand in line at starbucks eight eight of ten people order things without coffee in them you know or or at least a small amount of coffee if that so i think it's like that's what the business i'm getting my unicorn milk for the kids it's blue blue is purple sprinkles uh well back to cheesecake

A couple things, one theory of mine and one question. So I have a theory that for many restaurants, almost all restaurants, that it is a safer bet and you'll be happier if you never order a main course dish, if you only order an assortment of appetizers. And I feel like Cheesecake Factory is like the prime example of that, where like whatever dish you get, like if you order a steak with mashed potatoes at Cheesecake Factory, it's going to be a bummer. But like all the appetizers are parfait. So do you do you agree with this? Yeah, wholeheartedly. Having worked in restaurants as well. Yeah. And I mean, maybe it is because I've worked in restaurants or maybe I just love to eat food that is fried. But I've been trying to pitch around this article for months, by the way, that this like I want to write something about how appetizers are the best foods and side dishes. Apps and sides are the best. Main courses are always a step down every time because it's like, you know, the point of it is to be the protein and to be filling in a legitimate way. And that's kind of not congruous with the goal of tasting as good as possible. Appetizers are always deep fried or they're covered. in a layer of melted cheese. They're appetizing. They are so appetizing. And also they're often a third of the price of the main dish. So you're able to diversify and hedge your bets. You can get three apps if two out of three are good. If you order one main dish and it sucks, then you're batting a zero. It's just so risky. No, I think that's right. I mean, I say that's right, and at the same time, I realize that I just said I think it's annoying when the server has to be like, you should get three to five, such and such. But a server never says, you should never order any of our expensive main course dishes. Just get a bunch of little apps, you'll be much happier. Right. Yeah, that would be problematic, I think, for the server. I feel like their job would be in jeopardy. Their job is to make all the money. Follow-up question, what's your order at Cheesecake? From front to back.

Tip to tail. Tip to tail. Okay. I like to start proceedings with a mojito. Really any of their, you know, any sugary cocktail is good because they give you huge glasses of everything. Regular, not skinny-licious. No skinny. I don't go skinny-licious ever. I don't think that would taste so good. Okay. That's kind of true, yes. I just, you know, you want the maximum amount of butter. I'm in a fucking restaurant. Like, give me the butter. I'm in Cheesecake Factory. I'm here for the Cheesecake Factory. Right, exactly. Okay, so mojito. Okay, so mojito. Full fat mojito. Then I like, yes, full fat mojito, full sugar, all that. I like the avocado egg rolls, even though they are not of any identifiable ethnicity. That's fine. I just think they taste incredible. Never had them. Sure. Try it next time. You should. I'm not a warm avocado girl, but I... No, me neither. Okay, good. Okay. I don't like cooked avocado, but it's like raw avocado inside of an egg roll wrapper. It's nice. Okay. And for my main course, I like to get the Louisiana chicken pasta. Louisiana chicken pasta. Yeah, I don't say it like that. I just say it normal. What is normal? What is the normal way to say Louisiana? You're not having enough fun. I'm not having that much fun. I didn't know it was possible to have so much fun when I order food. Egg roll straight into Cajun Bayou pasta. Yes. I like to make fusion in my stomach. Not in the same dish, but as courses follow each other. And I have to take home most of that. They give you two massive chicken patties. I always have to save at least one full chicken patty, which is good because more food. I like to get more bang for my buck or whatever. So you eat about a third of this, perhaps. Yeah, roughly. And for my dessert, I have to go with the Adam's peanut butter fudge ripple cheesecake. I don't know who Adam is. Who the fuck is Adam? Yeah, I was about to ask. Peanut butter ripple cheesecake. Yeah. That sounds good. That sounds good. I'm a peanut butter guy. Most of their other ones are too sweet for me. The peanut butter is kind of salty, so that's nice. Jason, just quickly, how does that...

compare to yours like calorically uh that's pretty on point with what we normally order i like to get the roadside sliders if you ever get some of those add cheese of course um but i mean yeah every restaurant i ever go to uh nothing is as enjoyable to me as the bread and butter and and cheesecake is probably theirs is the best i think they have the best bread and butter of like any place i've tried to make the brown bread at home but it never comes out quite right i have made it at home And it came out close-ish, but you're never going to get it because you have to have that, like, chemical-laden ingredient list. Because, you know, if you make it at home with, like... With flour and sugar. With, like, flour and sugar. Exactly. Not just, you know, high fructose. You know, Exxon Valdez oil spill. Yeah, exactly. Ground up cardboard. It just tastes better. You know, you want to taste the plastic. Yeah. Yeah, you need some of that. Microfibers of plastic in there. It just makes it all happen. Yeah, the microfibers. I love microfiber in my cleaning cloths as well as my bread before I start my meal. Okay, so tacky is all of this and more. These are a collection of essays on all of these specific things that are considered. Tacky, what are a couple other? Wants to throw out to wet my whistle. Your whistle. Early aughts, Hot Topic. And the mall in general. The mall comes up. The 2001 live action Josie and the Pussycats. A fine film. A fine film. That's when a girl became a woman. Deep cuts. You went in. Yeah, I've got some deep cuts. And Meatloaf. The performer, not the food. I almost ordered Meatloaf from Cheesecake when I was there last time and the waiter was like... It's good. I have had it before. It's pretty good. I should have done it. You guys are both fucking gross. Rax King. Rax King, thank you for joining us. Tacky is in stores wherever you get books, correct? Yep. Perfect. Congratulations on that. And where can people find you on the World Wide Web? You can find me at patreon.com slash raxkingisdead. That's my handle on Twitter as well. And if you don't know how to read, you can also listen to my podcast, Low Culture Boil. Just like a Louisiana Cajun pasta dish. Exactly. She's a Louisiana. Rax, yeah, thank you for joining us. And we will talk to you soon. I'll email you. Bye.