499. - Mary Beth Barone

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. You thought you was slick. How long gone? Beautiful Thursday. in New York City. I'm at my command center here in Lower Manhattan. Jason, how are you? Just came home from the gym. One of the last few gym sessions before I take off to go to Italy. I'm actually getting married soon, so we'll be able to do that. Yeah, I like that you're... I like that you're kind of cramming them in. I just want to let you know it's not going to do any good, but I know it's good for your mental. Well, I've been super busy, so it's been hard for me to get over to the gym. You know, so many little things, and life will also get in the way, not just hashtag wedding life. But I have found time to do the bulking part of it. Okay, okay, okay. I've been chowing down lately. I've noticed, I think it might be a trend. This is a new thing. I think if people have anxious anxiety, you could call it, stress, anything like that, it makes you eat more than normal. Have you heard about this or noticed this? I've heard about that. I have heard about that. But if you could tell me more, that would be great. Well, it's been a tough week because... When it rains, it pours. And now that I'm an influential person, I get sent a lot of free food. Oh, here we go. So every day, I'm always on my bullshit. I'm buying a whole Mary's Organic Chicken. I'm salting it overnight. And I'm boiling it with aromatic vegetables and making delicious...

you know, collagen-rich bone broths and making soups and eating boiled chicken breasts, just packing on the lean protein, so healthy. And then, you know, brands will be like, hey, we're sending you this. And like a restaurant here in L.A., Kismet, they're like, hey, we're going to send over like a chicken dinner for four to your house today just because you're a rock star. And I said, I can't say no to that. And also HelloFresh, a beautiful meal delivery service that we might be working with. They sent over a week's worth of food for two, and I'm leaving town in three days, four days. And you don't like to waste. That's part of your whole thing. No, I would never, because I live in a European lifestyle. It's called Europe-ing. I don't know if you've seen it, but it's a new thing that's happening. Or you could call it Europe-maxing, or I'm in my Europe era. But I have to go to the market every day and smell the persimmons. see what's fresh i would never i don't even have an ice box i don't even know how microwaves work so you i like that you said ice box too like it's the 1980s i i'm i understand where you're coming from but i mean you have to resist that those you had suits custom made and i would hate for you to be busting out of those you know i think the i'm worried i'm worried about the opposite i'm trying to fill it out more than uh i'm not worried about busting out of it okay you're not worried about busting for once in your life that's good to know i mean in Anything could happen, but I would say let's put down the fork. Let's pick up the water jug. You know what I mean? How excited are you to blast cigarettes in Toscana? I'm going to be there with my mommy. I can't smoke in front of my mommy. I mean, I can, but I won't be able to enjoy it. I think you'll probably end up getting away with one or two in this. I mean, I'm sure this massive villa has plenty of space to hide like a teenager. I love the idea of sneaking off for a cig at a fucking villa that I spent. I mean, I guess I didn't spend it, but a nice person spent. Look, I had to buy something. A weekend where a lot of money is being spent.

And I still can't smoke in front of my mommy. You're going through it, too. I'm sure you've got to sit and coach. Is that what I heard? I mean, I'm trying to rectify that, but because of actually having a life and not buying a plane ticket a year in advance, like some people, there were no... Come from my fiancé, why don't you? There is no first class seats left on the Delta flight from JFK. Drag her across the tarmac. To Rome. But luckily my diamond status, it does allow for some advancement. So I'm kind of working the phones. Okay. Like it's a 90s telethon. I'm doing my best. I have a crack team. I got 12 interns from Bangladesh. Cold call in 24 hours. I went on Fiverr. I picked up some upgrade developers. Yeah, I went on Fiverr. I blew a bag. You know how Delta will email you like, get ready for your upcoming trip. You know what I'm talking about, right? When you're sitting in 56B, what do they email you about the meal choice? Did you go kosher, veggie, pulled pork? What's it going to be? I'm not eating any of that nasty shit anyway, so it doesn't really make a difference. But I didn't open that email because I don't even want to know what they're trying to kind of pitch me in there. But don't worry. Chris Black doesn't. When they're pitching, hello, sharks. I've got a chicken cacciatore. Look, Chris Black doesn't lose, bro. I ain't losing, okay? We don't lose. is if I'm having to schlep to fucking this god-awful country for four days, three days, three nights, four days, I'm going to make sure to do it in the lap of luxury. And if I can't, you know who's got hell to pay. And it ain't me. It's TJ. And luckily, our listeners... I have a feeling that my tight little white ass is going to feel the business end of your Wall Street Journal rolled up, won't it? Yeah, you're like a bad dog. Jason, go fetch the Financial Times. You know what time it is. That's your version of getting the switch. Exactly. Well, I'm not doing great because I did just drop off all of my dry cleaning, and I'll just kind of take it out of your salary. It's a little high. I'm paying dry cleaning now? Yeah, you're paying dry cleaning. Well, I mean, it's just there's multiple. You're having multiple events at this wedding, so I need multiple looks, and my neckties have to be steamed, and it's like a whole thing. You know, when you say multiple,

We know. Two is technically more than one, but there are two. That's right. That's a multiple. Look, it's not a full night. Chris, Chris, you know that the welcome pizza rehearsal dinnerette is very casual. Dinnerette. Dinnerette. You don't need to spin your necktie. Don't say dinnerette to make it sound more casual. It's so casual. I don't even know if we have plates. It's so loose. I made up a word for it. It doesn't even make sense. But no, I'm getting excited, I guess, is a word you could use. But I've got a lot going on. I'm getting excited is a phrase somebody who is excited would say in this situation. Exactly. It's like, that's funny. Instead of laughing, you just say, that's funny. I went to an event last night. Our friend Callan and her business partner launched a sunglasses brand called Thistles. and it was like a very... What's it called? Thistles? That's his name. Yeah, his name is Thistle. T-H-I-S-T-L-E. They're actually very nice sunglasses, and they even look good on me, which is rare, but I went to this event. The braised Thistle with rabbit at horses is to die for if it's in season. That's one of the best. It's market price, so it's looking like $48 this week, but... It is 48, yeah. Okay, so Thistle just launched. Thistle launched. The sunglasses are great. The campaign is, like, very cool. It's, like, super. So I go to this party last night, and I thought it was going to be, you know, I was preparing myself for a they-them festivity. You know, I was preparing myself to stick out like a sore thumb because I am binary. Cop Chris is giving cop. Cop Chris is giving cop. But it was a really great party, but they had one of the, you know, the famous Layla Gohar spreads. You know, so it was the. It was the giant pieces of focaccia, some, I believe, mortadella, some cheese, obviously some butter, and of course, radishes. And, you know, it was one of those things where I'm like, oh, I love seeing this. You know, I love the Goharfication of downtown New York. I think it's amazing. But then I saw people eating it. And I was like, oh, I didn't know people actually ate this. Because people were making little sandwiches.

And I was like, oh, this kind of makes sense now. I didn't see it that way before. I saw it more as art, not like a kind of create-your-own-sandwich bar. But these motherfuckers, they were going firehouse subs mode. All these downtown freaks were just tearing off a piece. They had scissors to cut the focaccia. They were layering a nice slice of cheese in, dropping the mortadella on top, folding it in half. And it was almost like we were in Italy. It was crazy. So you're saying, let me back this up a little bit. You're saying you saw a spread of charcuterie so artistically stunning that the thought of dismantling this masterpiece and eating it is asinine. But you saw some people that had such little restraint and self-dignity and self-worth that they couldn't resist and they had to rip in and tear open a nice piece of mortadelle. Well, you know how it is. I mean, you know how it is. It's meant to be eaten, but at these kind of events, all these hot, skinny people, they don't want to be seen eating. No, no, no. That's crazy. But maybe the tide is turning, and these events often happen at dinnertime. Sure. I always eat before I go to servos. I try to eat after. But I also got a friend of the show, Sam Hine, introduced me to the current toast of downtown, depending on who you're talking to, The Dare. Yes, yes, yes. I had a nice conversation with this good-looking young man. Speaking of getting dragged across the tarmac, poor guy is getting some rough ink on Twitter lately. I have to say, I think that record deal really was a million dollars because that motherfucker seemed unbothered. Yeah, I'm sure. In a way that just really refreshed me, I have to say. You get the 5.8 on Twitter, and you're laughing all the way to the bank. You've got a couple tens on your arm. The bank account's looking like $7.50 after you pay the lawyer and the manager. I'm just saying it could be worse. But it's crazy how – it's really interesting how divisive this album has become, this EP, this one song really has become. Because I feel like – we were saying this in the group chat.

it's getting dragged by people our age who lived through it the first time and probably were like, hot, hot heat is actually sick though, you know? So I'm like a little bit like, I think it's really funny because it doesn't seem like, I just don't, I don't know. I don't, I'm like, is that fair? You know what I mean? Is it fair to have a 42-year-old man who positively reviewed Hot Hot Heat and Chick Chick Chick to now shit on the new version of that? I guess that's how it goes. I was just thinking of it because I'm not listening to it. It's not for me. But the way it's getting people so mad, it's almost like he's dating Matty Healy. Yeah, I was thinking about this a little bit earlier, and some people are saying, you know, The music is not nearly as bad as, like you said, the 42-year-olds trying to say, you know, this is some freaking bullshit, whatever. It's not real. But I have a feeling that this is probably the nicest. Like, he released this record in the most forgiving time of human existence and music critique. I mean, like, back in, you know, he was doing this in the 80s. Rolling Stone is going to write a review about it. It's going to be giving a lot more venom than whatever is happening nowadays because everything back then was like, oh, we're rehashing music from the 70s or the 60s or whatever. This is just blah, blah, blah. People are going to be mad that it doesn't sound like the first version of whatever it is since the dawn of time and forever and really talking about it seriously like that, especially a record about just cum. It just makes you look old. You should be doing something. Go start a family is usually what people leave on my Instagram comments when I say something that's too old. And I tell them I have two very lovely dogs. Thank you very much. You're like, I'm a dog father, and I think that's important too. Yeah, I just think it's – Without me, they die. It's amazing. Not because of me. It's amazing how up in arms people are, but he's playing a couple shows in L.A., which I'm sad to miss because I kind of want to see it now. I'm like –

I guess what I'm saying is after chatting with him, I am very interested in seeing the show because he's up there alone. And I'm like, don't you want a band? And he was just like, bro, that shit's expensive. You know what I mean? Why? What's the point? I'm like, damn. I'm like, I guess he's, yeah. I guess it's like you don't need one if you're not opening for, you know, somebody big and you got to fill the stage out. I guess that's why not. But I am intrigued. I'll say that. I don't want to listen to it on my Apple device, but I do want to see it. live you know um because i think i want to see uh you know girls in big sweaters and american apparel tights just losing their minds uh we do have a guest today uh we do have a guest today uh she's on vacation constantly uh she's a comedian um she she was supposed to join us a couple weeks ago but her um five-star resort in mexico uh the wi-fi quote-unquote, didn't work. Camera was off. Who knows where she was? Mary Beth Verone is here to join us, a fellow podcaster, a fellow podcaster. Member of our dear media familia. We love those girls and guys over there. And I think she's a really funny person and a really good podcaster, and we were recording with her, and the connection was so bad that I had to call it. Uh, like nurse Jackie, I'm saying, sorry, we got to call this one because, uh, I can't, I can't, you know, it was not giving her the respect that she deserved as a content creator. So we have her here. No, she's too, she's too, she's too quick. The Adderall is hitting too hard. She wants to go tit for tat with TJ and Chris and we have to give her that opportunity. We have to give her the respect. We support female creators, she, et cetera, on this show. So let's give Mary Beth the floor and let her kind of explain herself. Does that sound good to you, Jason? Let's do it. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, Stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down.

The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code

How long? Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. I've seen your billboards all over LA, so I knew that you were going to come correct. I didn't have time to get a blowout before this podcast, but it looks like you might have. Thank you for that. Here's what's going to blow your mind. This is how my hair dries naturally. Shut the fuck up. How do you sleep? Do you braid when you sleep and then do a reveal? This is just au naturel. I showered this morning. I brushed it. And this is what I get. But I did want to look nice for you guys. I feel like this has really been years in the making at this point. Years. Way before we even started the pod. This is pre-COVID. Before we started the pod. You are somebody that I've talked to in private to Jason about being like, wow, who does this chick think she is? She's kind of like, oh. give me a call back in six months and we'll like sort it out. And I'm like, Oh, it's interesting. Cause, cause not that you're not high profile, you are, and I love you. I think you're very funny, but you know, I just think there's the, you know, you, you were kind of flexing on us or is that just your life is that busy? I am in London all the time. And so it's really hard to schedule with people who are in LA and then I have to reschedule things. And then I feel bad as you saw, we had to reschedule this several times. So then I feel bad rescheduling and then it was just like, okay, let's just like, let's table this for now and we'll revisit. But what I really wanted to do was sort of build this anticipation so that I could be considered the most sought-after guest of all time. Okay. And I think I did it. Yeah, yeah. The edging, I'm saying, please, ma'am, I can't take any more. You have to come on. I didn't want to call it edging. Those are your words, not mine, but that was obviously the intention. Question for you. You spend so much time in London. How come you said scheduling instead of scheduling?

Because I never forget where I came from, which is Connecticut. Know your fucking roots. That's great. Now, you spend a lot of time in London. Jason and I are known London lovers and Anglophiles. Really? But you took it a step further, and you've kind of begun to have sexual intercourse with an Englishman. I have sex with one, yeah. I mean, who's to say it's just one? Okay, I don't want to limit you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. Hopefully your boyfriend is to say. Yeah, well, you know, we have a deal. And I can't reveal. I can't go into specifics. It's girls only. I get to watch. Is he British? He's British. He's homegrown British. Okay, so you got your own Hugh Grant. Is a cuck chair on the right side of the room or the left side over there? Depends what hotel we're in, honey. Copy that. Copy that. Yeah. Okay, so let me ask, has he introduced you to some British customs maybe that have blown your mind? Have you had to try some of the nasty food? Does he make you listen to take that or anything, or is it pretty normal? I would say it's pretty standard. I've definitely had a lot of British cuisine at this point, and I don't want to start shit, so I'm just going to say I've had it. Some of it I liked. Some of it I haven't. Like any dining experience. Some is good, some is bad. That's just how it is. I reckon that's fair. Now, when you hang out with... I imagine you've met his parents and all that kind of stuff. Are they bummed that he brought home this American chick? Or are they like, this is a nice foreign broad for you? Well, when I met them, I just apologized for the war. And I feel like they really appreciated that just saying like, you know, off top, off top. Let's get this out of the way. Like, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry that that happened. I wasn't there, but I know it was hard for everyone. Um, what with the snow and like all that stuff. Um, but that really like sort of set up that we just had this like two way communication. So if there's ever tension, we just talk about it.

What they discuss privately when I'm not there about bringing home a Yankee, I'm not sure. But I think that we've got a good thing going now. And he comes to America. He came to Thanksgiving. That was huge. Oh, wow. Okay. Massive. So he came to Thanksgiving. And Thanksgiving is obviously a tainted, disgusting holiday that we shouldn't celebrate anymore for a ton of reasons. My favorite reason is that the food is awful. It's almost as bad as British food. I feel it. Do you disagree, Mary Beth? I disagree. You kissed your mother with that now? Chris, your fat ass doesn't like a mashed potato. I don't even know what to say. You're not even a mashed tater, Chris. Come on. My mother is a great American, and she does celebrate Thanksgiving every year in a traditional way, and I respect that for her. But I stopped going home for Thanksgiving years ago because I was like, the food's disgusting, and I'm not going to celebrate this. I don't want the blood on my hands. Wow. Who hurt you? I don't know how far you want to go back with the presidents. I'm not that good at it, but I find it interesting. Jason doesn't even like that food. Jason doesn't eat anything. He's like a pig. I'm a Native American ally. Totally. Is this why you brought me on? To make me say that I'm so Thanksgiving? I'm so Thanksgiving. This is our Thanksgiving episode. We record them super far in advance. I swerved on you guys with the scheduling, and now you're going to make me look like I'm like... America first, because I like Thanksgiving. Yeah, this pussy grabs back. Swerved on your ass now, bitch. Fuck. I walked right into this. No, it's okay. No, no, let's get into some stuff going on. I had some questions for you beforehand. Let me see if I still have them somewhere. Oh, yeah, you're a big thing that you're into is taking pride in your work, and I think Chris and I both agree. uh with that a whole lot and i was wondering if you could shed a few more words on that platform and we can kind of ping pong from there yeah i mean it's fair to say that i'm a huge proponent of taking pride in your work i think taking pride in your work is contagious so if you see someone taking pride in their work it might make you inspired to take pride in your work i just feel like people are getting a little messy

They're getting a little sloppy, some of the people. But I always want to put a positive spin on everything. I'm totally solution-based. So I think we all just need to take a little bit more pride in our work and just deliver things that we're proud of. And I just don't see that. I really don't see that, especially, I mean, I hate to say it, but especially on social media. I don't see people putting out their best. Yeah. And I can tell. Okay. When you, when you say sloppy, they're getting sloppy. It's, it kind of sounds like I work at a Burger King and you're my manager and you're telling me like, if you have time to lean, you have time to clean. Do you mean physically, literally sloppy or do you mean that in a metaphorical overarching sense? I just think people aren't like QCing their work. They're not like making sure that it's perfect. They're not. Got it. And when you're, when you're seeing, yeah, when you're working with people collaboratively, you, you need to count on the fact that they're, doing their side of it as well. So I just feel like we could all do a little bit better. And if you have a job that you hate, that's obviously totally different. But if you have a job in the arts where you chose your field and you are out here trying to create, make a name for yourself, I think you need to take pride in your work because if you don't, then like literally who will literally who will. Yeah. Jason, do you, do you think whoever I pay who takes more pride in the work, Jason, me or you? The answer is me, me obviously. But I mean, Chris, can you, Can you take pride in your work if your job isn't real, though? If you're not doing any work? It's interesting that you say that, but I think the way that I live life... And I say that as a podcaster. I'm aware of that. The way that I live and approach life is art, and I think that's something that people have told me before, and it stuck with me, but I do feel like maybe just the way I go throughout my day and the way I approach things, the way I speak, the way I embrace my peers, it... It feels intrinsically artistic, I would say. Okay, so you don't invoice brands in exchange for labor. You're sort of getting artistic grants from different resources. Yeah, I get artistic grants from major corporations. It's not something that a lot of people are kind of aware of, but it's something I kind of figured out. And I'm done-to-death projects, how long gone? We're not a 501c3 corporation. We're for-profit. I just want to be very clear. Of course.

And we're anti-sustainability. We have a lot of rules that we play by over here. But Jason, it's just the way that I do things is a little bit different. And some people like it and some people don't. And it feels like maybe you don't like it that much. No, we're not talking about that. I'm talking about pride. I was attempting some internalized podcaster phobia from Jason, to be honest. Podcaster phobia? Like I'm afraid of podcasts? Yeah. If you're not embarrassed to be a podcaster. You're embarrassed to be a podcaster. Exactly. Oh, no, I'm not. We all are. Are you not? I don't comment on that. I don't comment on that publicly. No, no. I love being a podcaster. I think that I'm good at it and I like it. And it's cool that I get to have that as my job. I don't shy away from it the way other people might. It sounds like you guys have a lot in common. Well, I guess you're an actress, and that's something that Jason still has yet to break into. But I think he... I think when he's ready to cross the picket line and get in a little mini room, you know what I mean, in the near future, I'm pushing him to do that. Chris, you keep bringing up mini room. What is that? Mini room, I learned this recently because a mini room is like the crack team, to use your word, they put together ASAP because we have a week or two weeks to get something done versus seven months. Well, to get a TV show written specifically, to write a TV show. Okay, so that's like the wrecking crew we call. these people in, they're the fucking bam. They're going to get the job. It's like Ocean's Eleven for writing a sitcom. Exactly. We call these six guys that could lose 30 pounds that carry Trader Joe's totes and we sit them in a room and give them some snacks and laptops and let them go crazy. They're not all guys, Chris. Come on. No, the bad ones are, though. I had a question about your podcast. It seems to be heavily influenced by Charlie XCX's song Vroom Vroom. Would you care to speak on that more? They're actually totally separate entities. I know. But obviously, I've been influenced by the work of Charli XCX ever since Pop 2. I was a fan before that, but then Pop 2 sort of changed everything for me. Pop 2 is her kid A, right? I agree with that. It's probably my favorite album of all time, and I feel like she's influenced me in so many ways creatively as well, and she's a really wonderful person, so I have no problem with my podcast.

evoking thoughts of charlie xcx for sure okay good yeah we're both big fans as well we loved it it's it's charlie yeah and i know she i know she did the pod she did she did do the pod i feel like she should do y'all's pod too because i think you guys would all flow very well well you guys have really mastered the having guests on some episodes and not having guests on others we are A little bit afraid it might mess up the vibe if we bring a guest on. You're too good for guests is what you're saying. Look, you keep twisting my words. It's just a different style of podcast. But I think we try to walk the line in between the two where it's not like a Marc Maron has somebody on and it's like, what's your story? Where'd you go to school? When did your dad rape you, et cetera? And we just kind of get into it and be like, boom, horses is this and blah, blah, blah. And here's a story I read about Ozempic. And you just hop into the... The double Dutch jump rope is already zooming and you just plop right in is the style that I think you guys should adopt as well. Like I just saw Adrian Brody DJing while smoking a cigarette. Yeah. I have a lot of thoughts about that and I don't need to ask you. I have no thoughts about that. When you discover comedy, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So when did you first know that you were funny, you know? What is your recording? I feel like you guys are kind of sporadic with your posting. Or am I wrong? Or maybe your lives are so crammed and busy and leaving me on read when I'm asking you for scheduling that you just don't have time to record. Even at the beautiful Dear Media studios full of hot chicks and snacks, what's your excuse? We literally, I came from Dear Media. I almost did this podcast from Dear Media, but we finished early. So I came back to where I'm staying, my beautiful friend Carrie's house. And I said, I'm going to use the Wi-Fi here because I know. It's going to work. Carrie got that good wifi. We, we batch record. So that's a little peek behind the curtain. We batch record episodes and we did. Yeah. We, I mean, the thing is, as I said before, when we recorded, but it's the lost tapes, I don't live in LA. Right. So we have to record when.

I'm here. It's funny because Jason and I are never in the same place and we seem to get it done. It's no problem. You just buy a little gear, a couple hundred dollars, and you're good to go. But I understand that maybe the chemistry isn't the same if you guys aren't in the same room. We've done remote recordings. Our last podcast was almost entirely remote, but I think we just have a better flow. We just have a really good energy physically together. It's just like we're excited and you can really feel that more when I'm just looking at him on a screen. At a separate studio, it just doesn't feel as good. No, I understand that. It's like podcasting with a condom on. Well, yeah, I was going to say FaceTime sex versus having sex in person. Right. They're both fun. They're just different. First of all, I wanted to ask you, what is it like going through life as a double-namer? How has your life changed as being a double-namer? I thought you said this wasn't going to be like Marc Maron, but this feels like you're asking me the really tough question. I heard it as soon as it came out of my mouth. I am so sorry. No, I think it's good. It's good to talk about profound things like having two names. I'll edit that out, by the way. Don't try me. No, I like it. Everyone always thinks I'm being sarcastic when I'm not, but it's fine. Just know that everything I'm saying on this podcast is deadly serious. So my name is Mary Beth. It's two words. There's a space between no dash. I get a lot of questions about this. And then people ask me, what's your middle name? And the truth is that my first name is Mary Elizabeth. So I actually don't have a movie. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jason, you just busted this wide open. This is an exclusive. I wanted to give you guys some exclusives, so thank you so much for asking. I just wrote a check my ass couldn't cash is what happened right there. Yeah. Where do you think this name stems from? Because it feels old world. Are your parents kind of like 1700s type? They're very old world. Well, they were both born in the 1700s, but that doesn't seem, I mean, I shouldn't age them. No, that's Europe Corps.

It's Europe Corps. Yeah, that is Europe Corps. Well, I am named after my mom's best friend. So I have five older siblings. A lot of the names are family names. And then my mom was like, let's go with like a bestie on this one. Do you have free? Are there some freaks in the fam with like weird names or is it all kind of ripped straight from the Bible? It is the most American names you could possibly think of. It's James goes by Jamie. Victoria goes by Vicky. Pamela goes by Pam. You're going to freak out. Gregory goes by Greg and then Thomas, but we call him Tom. Yeah. I am losing it. Okay. I mean, we had, yeah, we sort of had like the party house too because we had a wraparound. Well, we had a porch. We have a porch. My parents live in the house I grew up in. So there was some mischief going on with my older siblings and then we sort of grew into that role, but. We have a great house. I love my parents' house. And if they ever try to sell it, I'm going to threaten suicide. Okay, yeah. You got to keep it in the family. Are you going to inherit this porch when your 1700s parents die? No, she's last in line. I don't know what's going to happen. I think what I want to happen, this is my plan, and you have to speak things into existence. What I would like to do is one of my siblings and I buy the house together, and then my parents live there, and we can like... hire someone to like take care of them as they grow older. And then eventually like, it'll still be the meeting place for all of us. And then eventually like one of us sort of like takes over. That's the, that's the hope. That's me getting a little earnest with you guys. So this, you just described succession, but for the Connecticut house, which I would rather watch than like a media mogul. You know what I mean? Well, it's going to be a lot more dramatic and there's a lot more at stake. So there's a lot more at stake. I can already tell. I can, I can tell that just by like, Hearing your voice, there's a lot more at stake. Yeah, I take it seriously. Mary Beth, I was listening to your most recent episode of your pod ride, and you were mentioning a song that I also enjoy, Zedd's Clarity. I actually DJed last weekend, and I played that song to Fanfare. That song is...

It's just one. I'm sure it's one of the best songs ever made. Yeah, I'm positive of that. But you mentioned the first time you heard it was in a SoulCycle class and you said Parker was playing it. Not Parker. We have a mutual friend in Parker, I believe. Parker's the only good. He's the only SoulCycle instructor. I've taken classes all over the globe. He's the only one with good taste. He has the best music. It's like, I love when I can sing along to the songs that gets me like hype. Same. So when he'll play like Charlie, Caroline Polachek, he's always like Pink Panther. You know, he really is like, he's just so good at curating the whole like vibe of the class. And then, yeah, I was an early SoulCycle writer. This was so long ago, but it was at Union Square, I believe. and i was just like holy i mean my mind was blown when i heard this song yeah actually i some friends of ours they were playing poker at zed's house a couple days ago and he sent me i i can send you the listing for his house if you want to check it out i would love to see it's actually it's like a pretty stunning well-appointed 15 million dollar house in the valley here but he deserves it and i think he made every single fucking dollar of that Because of Clarity. Most of the dollars of his entire life came from Clarity, for sure. Like, 95%. But he was playing, like, a boss's poker, you know, where you, like, play poker and then you do, like, a cold plunge in between hands and, like, do push-ups or whatever. Ellie is so disturbed. That's right. That is fucked up. Okay, well, here's the real fucked up info. The buy-in for this poker match, $25. What's even the point? You know what I mean? Well, it means that... For listeners at home, Mary Beth is stunned. Jaws on the floor. My jaw is on the floor. I don't even know what to say. Because you're a known poker chick, right? Oh, I love poker. I'm like full house, royal flush, like the works. All of it. Whenever I'm playing poker, I say, give me the works. Give me the works. Guys, I think it's because Zed isn't good at poker, but he wants to make friends. So he hosts this game at his nice house to make people come over and have fun. I think that's why the bottom is so low. Or Zed is incredibly inclusive. I won't have you disparaging Zed on the podcast. This isn't even my podcast, but...

I swear, do not disparage Zed on this podcast. I will hang up right now. My Wi-Fi will get bad real quick. No, we're not Zed hating. Good. I like Zed's output, and it's funny. I'm just experiencing some mild Zed jealousy. Oh, that's what's happening. I mean, as a fellow DJ. Oh, you're experiencing it for you right now. Oh, in real time, honey. Okay. Well, you could be the next Zed. You know? Unfortunately, I'm looking to be the next Joe Rogan. The rest is still unwritten, Jason. I think, Jason, it's possible that you've maybe done better with the ladies than Zed. Honestly. Yeah, I've never had to pay for sex, so that's a little feather on my cap. Wait, where do you DJ? I want to go and dance to Clarity by Zed. Well, I rarely play nowadays. I used to play a lot more. This was at a music festival in LA last weekend or the weekend before, was it, Chris? Two weekends ago. Two weeks ago. I'm playing in New York for a friend's store opening like mid-July. I'll usually just kind of sparingly DJ little things here and there, but it's usually music for the... For the G's and the G's. That's all we really want. We're pushing him, though. We're pushing him to get back into it more. There's a lot of offers coming in that we're fielding. Totally. Yeah, now that our podcast has taken off, I'm getting more offers to DJ, and then we do live shows, and then I'll DJ the after party for it. So it's a nice little side hustle, my original life and goal and dreams. You know what I mean? I love that. I love that narrative. Same. If you love something, you let it go and you see if it comes back. That's DJing for you. And in my case, that was money. Okay, let's talk a little horses. We didn't get a chance to talk horses, Mary Beth. Are you familiar with this saga? I know Chris doesn't want to hear it, but there's a new story that just came out today, so we should brush on it a little bit. I'm trying to keep up, but here's my thing with chefs. I'm like, can you guys literally calm down? It's not that, like, big of a deal that you guys, like, let's just, like, shift the culture in the kitchen because people don't need to be emotionally traumatized after working in a kitchen. I don't understand it. That's a good, like, how come this is the one job that seems to, like, be so emotionally damaging? There's zero at stake. Oh, these fries weren't as good as I wanted them to be? Okay.

Like, whatever. It's low stress. I get that it's art. It's art for some people, and I love that. Like, I love chefs and what they do. Like, I love their output. That's why I don't cook, because I'm like, well, there's professional chefs. You and Chris have a lot in common here. Why would I bastardize the practice? But I will say that I just, like, I can't condone this sort of glamorization of, like, abuse in the kitchen. I mean, I don't. think anyone should be abused ever i know that's like insane but i just don't think cooking food is worth all this like it's not craziness it's absolutely not also it's like you're not you're not making music or something important you're you're making you're you're doing something that is you're making a steak free like chill we have to have it we have to have it or we'll die i would i would argue food is more important than music i mean it's more important to our our living yeah but it's not more important like i'm like I could eat at Subway every day and be totally fine. But if I never heard the Smiths, I would be straight. Wait, listen, listen, listen. Sorry. You said Subway. You said Subway. I have to bring something up. Two words. Jersey Mike's. What about it? Oh, you're not a nasty little Jersey Mike's chick. I am because they have gluten-free subs. Do you go Jersey Mike's at the Delta Terminal, Mary Beth? I was about to say, do you only eat at LAX or all your meals at LAX? No. First of all, they have a lot in LA. They're all over the country. And I just love their vibe. I love the energy in there. I can tell you where there's a calm kitchen. No one's screaming and bleeding. That's a Jersey Mike. Okay, I didn't even know Jersey Mike's had a vibe, let alone a good one. Could you elaborate more on the vibe that they set in their front of house and back of house, of course? This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web. So do all our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded.

Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could, you know, have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy, but, you know, still put together. I don't look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. You know, they focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada.

That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. I think it's just like positive vibes only in there. Okay. I've never seen anyone at Jersey Mike's in a bad mood. As soon as I step foot in that place, I'm having fun. Okay. Honestly, I've never been there. I've never even thought to give it a shot. What, you know, based on not knowing me at all, what do you think I'm getting? Turkey, provolone, avocado, tuna. What's the move for me? I can only speak to what I've had, which is the club. And I get it Mike's Way, which has like oil and vinegar on it. I get extra bacon sometimes. They have chips you can buy. I mean, it's really a full service. They have chips you can buy. Fast casual dining. It's a full service sandwich jelly featuring chips as well. There's not drinks too, though. You're going to freak out. They have drinks. Do they have maybe cookies and you can make it a meal? They have meals. I believe you can do it meal style. The menu is numbered. I have a number five. I am a creature of habit. Now that I found one sandwich there that I really like, I just get that every time. It's consistent. I like consistency, too. So they have got that really nailed down. When did you decide to start lying to everyone in your life and say that you're allergic to gluten? Do you want to really hear about this? Yeah. Do you really want me to tell you my story of being gluten-free? Is that something you think people would want to hear? I want to hear your celiac journey. One, do not put me in a box. I'm not celiac, and I never said I was. Okay. This is me at a restaurant. This is me at a restaurant. Do you have gluten-free bread? They say, is it an allergy? I say, nope, it's a preference. And then drops the mic like a boss. And then I walk right the fuck out of the restaurant. No, so I'm like, if the fries are cooked in the same grease as like chicken nuggets, I'm not going to like go into anaphylactic shock. But I just feel better when I don't eat gluten and I feel better when I don't eat dairy. And maybe it's psychosomatic. I don't know. I'm not a doctor.

But I feel better, and that's enough for me. Eight years going. Eight years, GF. Okay. This is a safe space for gluten-free cookery. Chris's girlfriend is a gluten-free stan. She's a liar like you as far as her gluten intake goes. You can hurl insults at me all day. It doesn't hurt me. Sticks and stones. Yeah, you have a thick skin, a tough skin, like a gluten-free crust. Have you heard of a restaurant called Bread Block in L.A.? No. It's a gluten-free bakery where a loaf of bread was hidden for $28. And they did go out of business, unfortunately. I didn't get a chance to go, but I heard it was really good. I went several times. It's fucking delicious. And it did go out of business because they made it look like an Ace Hotel. And I think that was the turnoff a little bit, not the product. You just can't sell a loaf of bread for $28, man. I don't care what it is. Not in Silver Lake. In Santa Monica, maybe. Not in Silver Lake. Yeah, I'd pay that. I'm all about stimulating the economy. What do you waste your money on, Mary Beth? Clothes. Okay. Essence, RealReal, what's the move? I really shop all over. I definitely, I'm an Essence girl. I shop at the RealReal. I'll do a Farfetch order every now and then. I'm really into Meow right now. I have a few things in my cart that I'm sort of waiting to buy. Are you buying direct from Meow? I do buy direct sometimes. I like to shop local. Who is Meow? It's the corsets. I'm wearing one right now, actually. It's a hot chick brand, and they have billboards and stuff. It's kind of like... Your word's not mine. Oh, oh, oh, it's spelled like meow? Yeah. It's not in the cat sense of the word. No, it's not the traditional meow that you might have grown up with. Okay. I thought it was pronounced meow-ee for some reason. I have no idea why. I always say have fun with language. Okay, girl. Because it can be whatever you want it to be. But I'm also in the process right now. This is the point in the year where I have to buy a bathing suit. And as a woman, that can be a very traumatic process. So I'm sort of like, I'm figuring that out. Because every year around like May, you think, okay, a $300 bikini is going to solve all my problems. I just need to find the right one. And then you order like five online and you know you're going to return most of them. But then...

They're just not making bathing suits like they used to. It's less and less fabric. It's more and more expensive. Someone explain it to me. I don't get it. It's called capitalism, and it's what this country is built on. But, you know, I was talking to a friend yesterday, actually, or two days ago, and he had just gone on a holiday, and he was with a chick who, you know, I think it's, like, not serious, but, like, serious enough to go on a vacation. I love that you call them chicks. He's with a chick. He's with a female. Female is worse. Paint the picture. I think female is actually more disrespectful. Of course. But I like how you said chick. You put a little stank on it. He was with a chick. Well, because knowing this guy, I'm sure she was hot. And he said that it was like a three or four day trip. And she brought like 12 bathing suits. And he was kind of like, I can't deal with this. Like it's too much. It was too many outfits. The bathing suits kind of, it was too much. Yeah, that sounds really tough, man. Damn, what a bummer. Yeah, God forbid a girl puts some effort in. I mean, my goodness. New bikini every day. Damn, bro. I think the point is that that would lead a simple-minded fella to think that maybe you're high maintenance. if you bring that mini bathing suits on a trip. Do you not see how we can make that assumption? Is that crazy? No, I get that, but maybe she has a heart of gold. Underneath that triangle bathing suit from solid and striped is a heart of gold. So maybe your friend should think about that. Well, why don't you buy one of those? Why don't you just go on Amazon and get one of the really – don't they make – I thought those were – if you want to try a lot of different kinds, get the $12 one, get the $300 one, get the $500 one, and make some comparison shopping. Okay, strategist. Okay, I'm not buying clothes on Amazon because you don't know where they've been. You don't know where they've been. I would say the same about Meow, but that's different. Look, I buy a bathing suit on Amazon. Nothing touches chlorine. It's immediately disintegrating. And I'm naked at my parents' house. And I can't have that. You know, I have nieces and a nephew. So I need to be responsible. Okay. Maybe you should be buying a saltwater pool instead of a bikini. I'll pitch it. Yeah, no chlorine. I'll pitch it to my parents. Yeah, let's invest in you. It's self-care. Pitch it this Memorial Day weekend, please. Oh, shit. Actually, I can't pitch. I can't pitch because I'm in the WGA.

Shut up. I am. I literally did not request that. I'll go to jail. We believe it. Actually, we were podcasting last episode with Desus. We were talking about that. The rules are very gray as what you're allowed to do and not do. Are you feeling the pressure of this touchy subject, or are you a little more laissez-faire about the rules and restrictions? I support the union. I voted yes for the strike, and I hope we reach a resolution soon. Oh, my God. All right. Jesus Christ. You're worse than a Condé Nast employee on this podcast. I had a deep discussion about this with some people the other night that are involved, and it sounds like it's not clear, but then it's also very clear you can't do anything, if that makes sense. You can't do anything. What's anything? I don't know. Exactly. It's kind of what it feels like. I don't understand that. Yeah, because I was asking him. Jesus was saying, like, I can do, like, come on, how long gone and do this podcast where we're just, like, bullshitting and talking and stuff. But if it was, like, a scripted, written, you know, like, fictional, whatever, story podcast, then obviously I couldn't do that. But are you even allowed to, like, talk about? the inner workings of the strike and the WGA and everything like that, or is even just reporting on the thing that you're doing too much? You know what I mean? I don't know. You'd have to ask the overlords. I'm not in touch with them. Damn, you really are going to stay silent. Damn, you're worse than Bradley Cooper. Come on, put your nuts on the table. I'm worse than Bradley Cooper? Put those stinky nuts on the table. Okay, you know what? I'll take it. If there's two ends of the spectrum, there's Bradley Cooper and then the rest of us, sure. No, well, I believe the thing, the major difference is I believe that your hair is real. I do believe that your hair is real. I'll never tell. I don't think that, but is this impacting your day to day or are you still just twiddling your thumbs, looking at the essence sale like usual? I can do both. They're not mutually exclusive, but I would say, yes, there's been some projects that have been impacted and it's definitely tough and I wish it wasn't happening, but we need to like get what we want. We need our demands to be met or at least like reach a compromise. So I just love, I like compromise. I think it's fair. I love justice.

And I'm hoping for all of that for all of us. We are too. I love justice too, except that I just, I just don't love a lot of the output lately. So I think maybe people need a break and they need to reset. You know what I mean? We need some new ideas. And I think that that's going to happen. Well, after I was, I watched the first, um, The first of three parts of the Vanderpump Rules reunion last night. Just so you know, those are unscripted. There's no writers. Those aren't. I know. And that's what I'm saying. And I'm like, this is, I was, you know, I'm, I was, I don't know. They were so mean. They were like screaming at Homeboy so much that it was like kind of corny and just bad. And like. I don't know if I can sustain that for three more episodes of this. Yeah. I mean, I used to watch Housewives many, many moons ago, and then it just became so much fighting. And I don't like fighting. I hate it, to be frank. So I had to give up on the Bravo. bravo cinematic universe a long time ago because you don't like fighting good for you yeah i don't like yelling and i don't like fighting but do you watch like succession all that garbage or do you like are you somewhere in between yeah i know i watch succession but i just feel like it's less like yelling i don't know there's like that's more like fighting over a sustained period and it's like psychological warfare and business espionage it's like that's fine that's got layers i don't like when it's like there's fighting over something someone said that they have on camera. And it's like, well, they either did say that or they didn't. So roll the tapes. Like the producers should get involved and just simply roll the tapes. And then I think we would just be in a more peaceful society. I also think that housewives have like really encouraged people to get like more into fighting in everyday life and feel everyone thinks they're in a reality show. So it's just like. We're not, and I think we should just be nice to each other. You might be right about that, but I also think that's social media. I like everything you said. I think that's a little bit social media, too. It's because everybody is on a reality show of their own doing, and I think they have to fight for likes. You wouldn't know anything about that, though. You don't fight for likes. No, I hid my likes so I can live a peaceful life. I'm all about living a peaceful life, so hiding likes was one of the best things I ever did for my mental health.

I'm not kidding. Really? Do you see them? Can you still see them and we can't? Or how does it work? Yeah, I can still see them, but I don't care. Now I post and I just put my phone down. It doesn't matter to me. What kind of drugs do you do? What kind of drugs do you do, Mary Beth? I'm high on life, sis. No, I'm not on any drugs at the moment. Sometimes I'll do Molly now and then. I do a little Coke here and there. I've done ketamine a few times. Okay. Um, I took weed gummies a lot in the pandemic, but then it was giving me really weird dreams. So I had to sort of weed myself off. I'm very like, I, I control problems or I'm a control freak. You can say, so I'm like very regimented. Yeah. Okay. We really do have a lot. We really do have a lot in common. It's kind of freaking me out. You guys do. Do you have, um, do you look at food as something that you like, could you eat the same thing every day or do you have to kind of mix it up? Yeah. I'm talking the Rob Dierdrick diet. I will be in a huge phase with. something for months and then like i had a big acai phase for a while right now i'm on i'm in an overnight oats phase i'll be in a jersey mike's phase if there's one near me you know i go through phases i'll get tie a bunch okay but i have a weird relationship with food too so it's like if i find something that i can eat without feeling guilty and it doesn't make me uh feel sick like it doesn't give me a stomach ache then I'm always going to like go back to those things. I don't think that's that much strange of a relationship with food. Yeah. Compared to a Chris. Well, that's not the extent of the relationship. That's sort of the outcome of like where I'm at with it, you know? Are you public about the extent of it or not so much? Yeah. I mean, I think it's sort of like common just having eating disorders in the past and then figuring out how to like have a healthy relationship with food is really hard. So it's just like.

You know, you're constantly checking in with yourself. And I feel like I go through phases. It's like with anything. I just go through phases where I'll, you know, really stress myself out about how much I'm eating or what I'm eating. I don't drink that much as a result of it because I feel guilty when I drink. I'm like, you know, it's just there's like a lot to it. But it's just I think it's a symptom of, you know, being a woman. And not to say that men and non-binary people don't struggle with food as well. Yeah. No, no, it's true. It's true. I think Chris and I deal with a lot of the similar things that you were just talking about. Chris is laughing at me. Sorry I'm a diplomat at heart. No, no, no. I mean obviously the pressures on women and diet are insane and it's not even close with men. But I definitely – I try to control. I'm with you, though. I go through phases where I'm just like, this is what I'm into. I'm going to be into this, and it might last six months. It might last a year. But I do think it goes back to control, for sure. Right now, at my house, my girlfriend is going through a soup phase. Soup. A lot of variety there. I do a lot with soup. To me, soup is not a meal. We've talked about this before. Soup is an appetizer. It's not a meal. It's water. What say you, Barone? I like to chew my food, so I'm not really a soup girl. I used to love clam chowder when I could eat dairy because that has some meat to it. Oh, yeah. But if I'm at a restaurant, I'll almost never choose the soup. Damn. RIP chowder. What a great treat, huh? I'm proud to say I've never had chowder before. There's nothing more disgusting. Okay. Nothing more disgusting than a thick white soup. soup with chunks open your mind open your mind and also especially with the with the bread because this the sourdough bread bowl with the clam a french onion soup i mean i miss these things every day if you ever like kill a bunch of people and you're on death row Your meal should be the chowder in a bread bowl. Just fuck it. Because it won't matter if my stomach hurts after. Yeah, you're going to die. Wait, but what's the latest with the horses thing? Was there any new news today? There's a new story that came out kind of just detailing a lot of the other stuff that was going on. But there was a few other things like the chef, they caught him hiding in a dumpster near the restaurant.

I think him working at Vespertine earlier is the biggest red flag, but him hiding in a dumpster behind the restaurant or near the restaurant and an employee saw him hiding in the dumpster and took a photo of him, apparently. That seems just beyond bizarre, I guess, or it transcends bestiality. That's like a self-own. It is a bit of a self-own. I mean, I don't think that... I think this story is already boring, unfortunately, but the dumpster layer... It is intriguing. The dumpster part's kind of giving Nathan for you some antics. You know what I mean? Totally. Hijinx. Yeah, but hijinx for a person in this situation, an alleged murderer of animals. It's not appropriate. Hijinx are not always... There's a time and a place for hijinx. These jinx are not high right now. No. I hope everyone is safe, and I hope that person gets the help that they need. Our diplomatic queen. Have you thought about running for office? I'm not here to give you that scoop, so don't even try. You'd be like if Kamala was fun, that's what you are. I've come a long way. I used to be a Republican, so I just like to... Wish people the best. Wait a second. We kind of did that math when you said you're from Connecticut, but we can hear more. This is the coolest thing about you. Why did you stop being on the right side of history? You were in L.A. too much? Yeah, I kept coming out here in the liberal agenda. They brainwashed me. No, I think I became a liberal because I just became more self-aware and aware of people who grew up with different... opportunities than I did. So you're saying that you, you, okay. So COVID made you a liberal is what you're saying. You were so in line. No, actually, no, doing improv made me a liberal. I mean, I guess that's the best outcome from doing improv. It was worth every penny. I just was in class with people from such different backgrounds than me. And I felt like, wait, there's so much more to this than taxes. So I had to. Oh, so you were a fiscal, you were a fiscal, but you're following your dad's footsteps. I'm sure he's a fiscal Republican. That's a class. My family is not Republican anymore, but my, I was socially Republican as well. I, I didn't, I was in the pro-life club at BC for a time. I didn't wait. This is the coolest thing. This is the coolest thing I've ever heard. You were in the pro-life club at Boston college. Is that what you just said? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, actually.

Being in college and taking philosophy class was what made me stray from being Catholic. And then from there, it was sort of like, oh, I'm opening my mind. I'm seeing the world in a different way. And then that led me into becoming a liberal over time as well. Beautiful. Chris is totally speechless right now. Well, no, I just think most people in your position are like, they're so terrified to ever say, you know what I mean? But if you're from, I mean, I'm from the South, so that's very common. I know a lot of people like that, so it's not that shocking to me. But when you live in New York or L.A., everyone thinks that's insane that it ever existed. That was me. I didn't know Boston College had a stronghold like that. I thought that was all, I don't know. I never thought about it like that. Well, B.C. is a Jesuit school, and I only went there for two years, then I dropped out. But you have to take philosophy and theology. Then when I was in that, that's like a requirement for all students. So I took one that was those things combined. And I was like, whoa, this is like so different than the Bible. And that was what I had learned forever because I was Catholic. So I am thankful that it helped me grow. And your family got out too, right? Everyone's reformed. Yeah, we radicalized my parents, which is fabulous because now we're all liberal and we can have really productive conversations. And our group chat is... thriving as an echo chamber. It's a thriving echo chamber, which is what you want. It's been great, honestly. I like that story. That's a good story. I think it's weird to have a group chat with your family, personally. I think that's a little too far, but the rest of it, I really understand. Do you think that's perverse? It's extremely perverse to you? Chris, you're probably one of the only people who doesn't have a family group chat. Why would I have a family group chat? There's nothing. I love my parents. I love my sister. The family group chat is amazing because then you never have to talk to your family on the phone. You think I talk to them on the phone? You don't have to make a call about everything. I don't talk to them on the fucking phone. My mom texts me on Sundays. We have a little tit for tat, a little back and forth, and we're off to the races. We're all good. I see them. So every Sunday your mom texts you for a little coffee talk? Yeah. Wait, Jason. Jason, hold on. You and Nicholas Braun have the same voice. Have you been told that before? Oh.

Oh, hell no. Yeah, I have. David Cross is the first person to tell me that. Also, also, don't call him Nicholas Braun, you fucking industry plant. Call him Cousin Greg. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. We don't respect him enough to call him by his government name. Nick is crazy. Nick is so crazy. I don't know him. It's not information that I was happy to hear because I, I don't know, I mean, I guess I don't, I mean, he's a fun guy and he says funny stuff and it's, you know. He's not bad, but I didn't know that I was so kind of froggy and squirrely. He's mainly a legendary stick man, but I've never really seen his acting. I don't watch Succession. What else has he been in? A little movie called How to Be Single. Ever heard of it? I've heard of it. Dakota Johnson starring Vehicle. Oh, I have seen that, actually. I forgot he was in that. I'm a big Dakota guy. So that's good. I love her. Chris, you saw that movie? Yeah, on a plane. I don't watch movies anymore, Mary Beth. I'm never watching a movie again. They're too long, and they always disappoint me. So I have sworn them off. Gregor's here. There he is, Nicholas Braun. Welcome to the pod, Nick. Are you guest bartending tonight, Nick, or you got to work? I'll be at Ray's. I got to clean out one of the kegs. Mary Beth, have you been to Ray's? Of course I've been to Raze. I'm a red-blooded American woman. What are you, crazy? I don't think I've ever been to Raze, which is like... Can I tell you? Maybe I have once. Can I tell you? I've been to Raze for drinks. I've done stand-up comedy at Raze. And I also went to Raze to be in the background of a King Princess music video. Damn, that's the Holy Trinity. I won the bingo card. They gave me $1,000. Why were you in a King Princess video? Are you just a fan? She and I are friendly. Yeah, we met a few times, and she put on her story. She wanted some people for a video. My boyfriend was in town. We were a little drunk, and then I responded. I'm not really in it, though. I didn't really make the cut, but my boyfriend's in it for a few seconds. Isn't that how it always goes? The one who tags along with their friend is the one who gets discovered? Yeah.

Yeah, it's pretty crazy now. That's how I got into my music video extra work. Yeah. Being the tag-along friend, and they're like, who is she? He's not kidding. He's been in several big music videos when he was younger. Well, can I hear the names of the songs? Don't tell me Clarity by Zed. I'll piss myself. He's still not a member of the WGA, thank God, but he did get some features. You were featured. I worked with La Chapelle a lot. Really? Dave, David. Of course. Well, duh. Dave Chappelle. Dave Chappelle. I was in a random Kelly Clarkson video. I was in Britney Spears every time. I was in... You were the Justin Timberlake lookalike on that one. I was in Avril Lavigne. I'm with you. The very first one was a Buck Cherry video, which I just remembered recently. Was it Crazy Bitch? No, it's called Check Your Head. I think it came out after Crazy Bitch. Check Your Head. It was their follow-up. It was the follow-up to Crazy Bitch. All their songs are about crazy bitches. It doesn't matter. But I was like a baby. I was in high school almost. I love that Buck Cherry put out a song with the same name as a Beastie Boys song. I mean, that seems crazy to me, but I guess whatever works. Well, yeah, the Buck Cherry one's probably about like... heroin overdose or something and not like being like funky i feel like he's i think he's buff and sober now we need more songs about being funky wouldn't you say yeah i mean the late 90s early 2000s what a funky little time not a care in the world you know fat boy slim oh god those were the days damn okay y2k aesthetic Yeah, I'm all about it. I'm all about it. Did you know that those Apple computers used to have all those different colors, the iMacs? The thing I wanted most in the world, obviously. Did you ever get one? Well, your parents wouldn't get you one because they were Republicans at the time. We're going to get you a Gateway or a Dell, a nice American computer. An HP. Not this gay-ass lime green. We'll get you a Hewlett Packard, sweetie, but none of that colored stuff. They were very supportive, but I didn't get a laptop, so I was...

in college, and it was a Mac, my first laptop. A girl never forgets her first laptop, and I still have it. I still have it. It still turns on, too. Is it because you don't know how to get the pictures off of it, or is it like... No, I just never got rid of it. It has all my college essays, which I read some of recently, and I cannot believe how smart I used to be. I was doing it. I was making critiques. I was analyzing text. And this is pre-Adderall. I've never done Adderall, but you know. I think that's very healthy that you're able to go back and look at the old stuff you wrote and then you're like, damn, I was good. I'll think about something I wrote six months ago and be like, God, what was I thinking? I've learned so much in these six months. What a fool I was. But I'm assuming as a member of the WGA, maybe one day they'll want to... put that laptop in one of their museums or something like that. The Smithsonian. Jason, we weren't able to talk about this before, and now that Mary Beth's here, and I think she's a known Swifty, there's a lot of stuff going on because Taylor's dating our friend Maddie, and he's said some stuff that people aren't happy with, but her fans are now online writing some of the most insane stuff I've ever seen about basically being so destroyed that she's dating this guy and they can't support her but they love her and they need her to apologize to them and all that it's it's one of the most twisted things i've ever witnessed actually to me it feels like just like here's a bunch of people who are like uh i'm gonna go to the show and i feel weird so i'm gonna write 70 tweets about it a lot of threads it's a lot of threads one of 70 threads you know Are you a Swifty? I'm a huge Taylor Swift fan. I think that women should not be judged by who they're dating necessarily. And so I feel like it's unfortunate that, you know, people are still doing that in this day and age. Obviously, if they feel a connection and he's making her happy and, you know, they're respectful of each other, I think it's like.

I don't know what goes on behind closed doors. That's a great way to say Taylor Swift's digmatized by the guy from the 1975. And that's very eloquent. I've been digmatized before. I understand. I'm sending her the best. I hope she's okay. I've tried to digmatize before. The fans should just try to not let it taint the work. And that's not even a question of art from the artist. He's still the artist. It's just like... It's very strange because it's like I didn't think Taylor Swift was boring when she was dating a boring guy. You know what I mean? You don't take on the personality. Are there any other examples of this? like when Bobby Brown was dating Whitney Houston and like people still loved Whitney Houston. Nobody cared. Yeah. But I think, I think there's just so much more like visibility now and fans feel like they have so much more of a voice. So it's just, yeah, it's hard. And I get being disappointed in people, of course, but I think fandoms are a little scary in the way that they just place so much on these people to be what they see as perfect. And it's like, I don't know. Maybe he's like making her really happy. Maybe he's giving her like really good head. And I think that's awesome. You know Maddie eats that pussy like the Navy. But I don't think he eats the pussy like the Navy, totally. I don't think that Taylor's reading these things to you. She doesn't care. I think Taylor's one of the most twisted people that society has ever seen. I think she's a genius monster operator, and I love that. I think that's very cool, and I respect it. And I think sometimes the songs even slap. She looks good. There's no downside to Taylor, really. But I don't think... I don't know. I don't know if you can be that famous and that unaware. I just, I think, I don't know. I would hope so because she's too rich to read the comments. But I think it's also the noise gets so loud at a certain point. Like if you have a computer, you can't avoid it. You know what I mean? Well, these fans, I'm sorry, your favorite musical artist dates a guy who you think is bad. You're getting a really good fucking album out of that. So maybe they should stop being so short-sighted.

And think about the bigger picture. That's all I'm going to say. That's a good way to look at it. Maybe you should kind of do a tweet about that and tag some of these fan sites and see how that goes. Maybe I'll do a tweet. My first tweet in years, I'm going to say, guys, leave Taylor alone. Toxic dick is some good dick. I want to go see the show now. I just wonder if there's going to be an actual... public outcry or if all these nerds get there and they're just like, nevermind, there she is. Of course they're going to do that. And they should. They paid good money for those tickets. I want some chanting. I want some fuck Taylor chants at East Rutherford, New Jersey. That's what I want. You'd have to go and start that chant, I think. And then you'd probably get bludgeoned to death by 14-year-olds. It's terrifying. But fandom really has hit the... It's too much. And I think she might... Do you think she has the most extreme one? Or is there somebody that's more extreme? Maybe like BTS. I mean, the beehive is not something I'd want to cross. Ariana fandom. I don't want to cross. Ariana didn't even put out music. She just has a ponytail. She's doing Wicked the musical. Mary Beth, what level, like in comparison to another superstar, a famous person, what level of fame do you sort of hope to hit and not exceed? It's something I think about sometimes if I ever were to become famous. I think I said a while ago I like to be like Louis C.K. famous where like you can sort of do whatever you want. People don't like freak out. You know, you can still like go to the Whole Foods and people don't bug you, but you still like make millions of dollars and do whatever you want. Like what do you think? I mean, I don't know if you've heard of this person, but like Justin Bieber, I would say. Like life ruining sort of. Have to be carried around in a trunk so people don't. Attack me. That would be good. See you. Yeah. I'm with you. I'm with you. Traveled with a series of decoy cars. One of them explodes. Bulletproof vests at all times. Carried like a baby. What's the point? Absolutely. If it's not Harry Styles level, what's the point? I mean, this is all a waste of time. I know. I mean, it's a high bar, but I think.

I think we can get there. Yeah, we can get there. I think you can get there. I don't think we're going to get there. That's really nice. I have faith in you. Out of the three of us, you have the best chance for sure. Thank you. We'll see. I'll keep you guys posted. And if I do get that famous, I'll come back on the pod. Oh, thanks. That's so cool of you. You're such a down-to-earth chick. It's crazy. Now that we're in like a three-way competition, this is going to fuel my career and kind of vice versa. Well, and if you ever want to start public beef that we know behind the scenes isn't real, I'm also totally open to that as well. I would love to start some podcast beef and like we do some graffiti on like the Dear Media Studios, you know, at late night. In the Pacific Design Center. Oh, perhaps I've said too much. We break into the Pacific Design Center. Don't give us the coordinates. I said this last time because I want it on the record for when she hears this, but I told you guys I knew I had to do the pod because my friend, one of my dearest best friends from high school, told me that this is her favorite podcast. Okay, so is she hot, successful, brilliant? What qualities does she have? Is she brilliant? That's all I want to know. Hot, successful, brilliant. What does she do for a living, if you don't mind me asking? She is a coder. Okay, that's a curveball. Yeah, girls can code. Wait, chicks can code now? Only since Carly Kloss said that they could, but yeah. Carly crawled so she could code. Yeah, Carly's done a lot for the girls. She has. Well, do you want to give her a shout out? Surely she's listening. Emily, love you. You're the best. Thanks for subletting my apartment while I'm gone. I hope Frankie is loving Williamsburg. Frankie's her dog. Okay. So what's her at? She doesn't really use social media. Wow. Okay. We're just trying to help her because if you only said hi to the dog, then it's giving single. So we have a lot of successful, good-looking young men who listen to the pod. Look, if anybody listening is hot and successful, funny, great sense of humor, dresses well, loves dogs.

Let me know. But they have to go to Williamsburg because that's kind of a deal breaker. Whatever. If you're not willing to go to Williamsburg, you need not apply. But send me your info and I'll vet you. And if you look good enough for my friends, then I'll set it up. Okay. That's very nice of you. You're a good friend. I can tell that about you. Thank you. I just, yeah. I love love. I love friendship. Yeah, I mean, it's weird that you're charging her to stay in your apartment, but I guess you like her. Look, I'm a capitalist at the end of the day. There we go. I need to buy a bathing suit, so I need some more money. Any bathing suit brand? Well, we have some Matches fashion credit lying around. We have some Neiman Marcus credit. We'll slide it your way. Don't worry. That would be really nice. Thanks. Got a couple air asses. What are you, a size negative four? Thank you for saying that. Yeah. Bathing suit brands use vanity sizing. So I'm actually a medium in a lot of bathing suit brands. And so think about that. What has that done to your psyche? Yeah, that can't be great. If anything, I'm just like, how does this scale? No, I see that all the time. I guess in the reverse when you see an essence thing and it's like, this guy is 6'4 and he's wearing a size medium. And I'm like, wait. Also, they've tailored the item for that person. It's not as helpful. I haven't worn a medium since kindergarten. What's going on here? They might have pinned it or clipped it. They didn't tailor it. You don't know. These brands are evil. Why are you giving brands the benefit of the doubt? I like brands more than people. They've done more for me, if you think about it. That makes me sad, and I know you hate your family, so I hope you find peace. Mary Beth, thank you for joining us on How Long Gone. Shout out to my beautiful mother, Linda, listening to this podcast right now. Mary Beth's just like a total bitch mom. I don't know what she's talking about. She heard the episode, okay? Don't try to cover your tracks on the record. No. No, Mary Beth, thank you for joining us. This has been a long time coming. You're so funny. We're both fans, so thank you for doing this. Thanks for having me. I'm so glad we finally did it with good Wi-Fi, and I had such a blast. So when I reached that Harry Styles level, you guys will be my first email. God bless you. Okay, we'll keep looking for your billboards. Thanks to Dear Media for kind of bankrolling this operation. We love you guys over there. Thanks, Dear Media. We love you.